


Seize the Moment and Stay in It

by cutielemon07



Series: Seasons of Hamilsquad [12]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Ableism, Alexander Hamilton's Birthday, Angst, Arguing, Babies, Birthday, Birthdays, Bisexual Alexander Hamilton, Canon Disabled Character, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, College AU, Coma, Drug Addiction, Dueling, F/F, F/M, Family Drama, Family Secrets, Feelings of Inadequacy, Flashbacks, Grief, Grieving, HIV/AIDS, Happy Birthday, Hospitals, Hurricane, Major Character Injury, Medical Details, Modern AU, Paralysis, Past Relationship(s), Past elams, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pregnancy, Recreational Drug Use, STIs, Secrets, Sex Work, Show tunes, Stripping, Texting, Wheelchairs, airing dirty laundry, blood and that, but also disney world, couples arguing, discussions of the end of the world, doomsday clock, it is sad, pls dont cry, references to 18th century dueling, shit you can't make up no matter how hard you try, the world will never be the same, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2019-02-27 13:52:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 25,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13249587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cutielemon07/pseuds/cutielemon07
Summary: "Look, it's not the end of the world. You thought the world ended when I got paralysed. It didn't. We carried on."In 2018, the Hamilsquad is permanently changed by the death of one of their own. Not only that, but certain secrets are all out in the open. Nothing will ever be the same again.





	1. Running Out of Time

John hadn't said a word to Alex since the New Year began. It was now three days into 2018 and Alex was sitting on the sofa moving his wheelchair back and forth with his hand. He was bored with nothing to do. Eliza was out with her sister Angelica, walking their dog-also Angelica-and John wouldn't talk to him. What else was he going to do?

Alex sighed and turned his chair around before he let go. He leaned down to put the brakes on and pushed himself up off the sofa, and into his chair. He looked over at John, who was still sitting on the other side of the sofa, watching the TV-some documentary about Hitler on the History Channel.

Alex pulled his growing hair into a scruffy man bun. "I'm going out." He said.

John grunted in response.

Alex huffed and shook his head. He pulled his unresponsive legs onto the footplate of his wheelchair and secured his seatbelt. "Bye then."

Another grunt from John.

"You mean 'bye, Alex, don't freeze out there, I love you?', right?" Alex asked.

"Whatever." John mumbled. It was a better response than John had given him over the last few days, so Alex took it as a small victory.

He pulled the brakes off and wheeled over to the coat pegs and took his coat. He draped it over his knee and turned around. "John." Alex sighed. What was he even going to say? "Look, it's not the end of the world. You thought the world ended when I got paralysed. It didn't. We carried on. So what if you've got a daughter? It's not like I care." No response. "Call me if you need me." He took his key, opened the door and left.

Down the hall, Alex went to the elevator and pressed the call button.

Kitty came from her apartment looking like hell. Or at least hungover. She was wearing sweatpants, a hoodie and sneakers and her hair looked like she hadn't combed it in a month.

"Hello Kitty." Alex said, with a slight snigger.

"That one never gets old for you, does it, Alex?" Kitty asked, even sounding hungover.

"I haven't seen you since you hit on my boyfriend." Alex said. "Have you just been partying this whole time?"

"Uh... yeah." Kitty rubbed her eye. That's how Alex noticed the dark circles. "Sorry for hitting on your boyfriend, by the way."

"Apology accepted." Alex said.

The elevator pinged and the doors slid open.

"You first. You're in a wheelchair." Kitty said.

"Yeah. But you're _completely_ hungover and I'm about eighty percent sure that you're _still_ wasted." Alex said. "So _you_ should go first."

Kitty stepped into the elevator, while Alex rolled in and pressed the button for the ground floor.

He took his coat from his lap and put it on.

"How do you do that?" Kitty asked.

"Do what?" Alex zipped up his coat.

"Put clothes on. You're in a _wheelchair_." Kitty said.

"Needing to use a wheelchair, Kitty, isn't the end of the world." Alex explained. "You survive. You adapt. If you can't, you find a way. You _have_ to."

The elevator pinged again and the door slid open.

Kitty put her arm out, gesturing for Alex to leave first and he did so, with Kitty following.

"Why doesn't your wheelchair have handles?" She asked.

"I don't need them." Alex replied. "I use my chair full time."

"And why do you call it a 'chair'?" She asked, doing air quotes.

Alex raised an eyebrow. "Because it _is_ a chair?" He said. "It's a chair. And it's got wheels on it. That's why the person who invented it stepped back to look at it and was like 'hey, this thing's a chair with wheels on it, so imma call this thing a wheelchair'."

"Yeah, but office chairs have wheels on them. Sometimes."

"Office chairs _aren't_ wheelchairs because they're called office chairs, Kitty." Alex said. "Go sleep off your hangover."

"Will do." Kitty said as she went over to her mailbox.

Alex rolled his eyes and wheeled himself down the hall to the front door. Someone else was coming in and he held the door open for Alex. Alex, however, put a hand on the door and wheeled himself out, looking up to glare at the man for giving him unwanted help.

To Alex, he was fiercely independent both before and after the shooting. Sure, he was depressed for a while, but with the help from his friends and his new family, he pulled himself together. He accepted his disability and threw himself into it.

And though the guy probably didn't hold the door because Alex had a wheelchair, Alex didn't know that. He didn't want pity. He didn't want to be called brave. He didn't want to be called inspirational. He was none of those things. He was just a guy getting on with his life and why the hell couldn't everyone else see this-aaugh! So frustrating! Alex knew they meant well, but it didn't feel that way to him.

Outside, Alex could feel the chill. Still a thin layer of snow on the ground. That was okay, he could move around in this. It wasn't until the snow _really_ piled up that he couldn't move around. But where to go? Coffee. Had to be coffee.

Alex swivelled to the left and followed the path. It would be stupid for him to shortcut over the grass in this weather, just like it would be in the rain. His wheelchair's suspension was great, the gel wheels were awesome. But neither would be really appropriate for cutting across the grass. Because wasn't going to risk getting either stuck in the mud or ruining his suspension going over clumps of ice.

It was times like these Alex was glad everyone convinced him to get rid of his clunky former manual chair. Even more glad that he listened. Because quite honestly, he loved [this](http://img.medicalexpo.com/images_me/photo-g/113230-10254584.jpg) chair. He couldn't imagine-or even remember-his life without it. It was absolutely perfect; beautiful and dark green-his favourite colour. Small. Light. Really responsive-like can spin on a dime responsive. It had a low back and no handles so nobody could be 'helpful' and push him without asking or him needing. No armrests to get in the way of him reaching the handrims. A footplate that didn't take up needless legroom-why would he need legroom? He couldn't even use them and could barely feel them! And by far the best feature of it, it had a little cup holder for his coffee. He _needed_ that cup holder. And _loved_ that cup holder. And not that Alex was biased or anything, but his chair was _so_ much better than [Lin's](http://www.sunrisemedical.co.uk/getattachment/6f07aff5-ed6a-45ec-ac26-134f8b07a93b/Helium). No way that Lin's was better.

It was easy-ish for Alex to manoeuvre through the snow, even if he had to touch the cold metal handrims of his chair every second or so. In hindsight, he should have worn gloves. But that was _John's_ fault. Why wouldn't he just _talk_?

* * *

Martha paced the floor. She was in Hercules and Sally's apartment and didn't know what she was going to say, but Sally was sitting on the sofa with her arms folded, looking impatient.

"Look, if there's something you want to say, just say it now. Hercules will be back soon."

Martha grunted.

Sally picked up on Martha's agitation. "Martha? Are you okay?"

"Look, you know I had a feud with my father on Christmas Day." Martha began.

"Yeah." Sally nodded. "You said he did something unforgivable and said nothing else."

"He..." Martha bit her lip. "Sally..."

"Oh my god, Martha, did he _kill_ _a guy_?" Sally asked.

"Worse." Martha squeaked out.

"Hey, hey." Sally stood up and put her arm around Martha reassuringly.

"Sally... we're sisters." Martha said.

Sally pulled her hand away. "H-h-how?"

"Dad had an affair with your mom. Well... he was seeing _your_ mom. Then he met _my_ mom. And married her." It was all coming out-there was no controlling it. "They were together, married for years and then mom got pregnant on me and your mom got pregnant on you. My mom died in childbirth-having me. And afterwards, he didn't acknowledge you or your family, but the relationship they had-my mom and your dad-it went on for _twelve years_ , Sally, _twelve years_! And all your siblings-they're _my_ siblings too! They're Dad's and he didn't tell me and he didn't tell you and your mom didn't tell you and-" Martha began to cry.

"Sweet Jesus." Sally sat back down on the sofa numbly.

Martha sat down on the nearby armchair and began sobbing.

Hercules opened the door. "Hello, my beautiful-" He stopped mid sentence when he heard and saw the crying. "Who died?" He asked solemnly.

Martha looked up at Hercules though her blurry tears and wiped her eyes on her coat sleeve. "Nobody, Herc." She said. "I was just... leaving." She hiccuped.

"No, Martha." Hercules closed the door after him. "It's okay. Is it your dad?"

Martha nodded, trying to hold in the tears.

"Okay. It's okay. Look, we won't judge-"

"What?" Martha asked.

"We lived with Lafayette and they're non binary and pansexual." Hercules continued. "Peggy was agender and pansexual, Maria's a lesbian, Angelica and Alex are bi, John is gay, Aaron and James are demisexual-"

"I'm not... I'm not a lesbian, Hercules." Martha rubbed her eye.

"Oh. You're trans-"

Martha shook her head.

"Hercules..." Sally interrupted.

Hercules and Martha both turned to look at her.

"Her father had a secret relationship with my mother." Sally said.

Hercules frowned. "Wha-?"

"Martha's my half-sister." Sally finished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What up! Welcome to the newest entry to the Seasons of Hamilsquad! This one, though, will follow the story continuous. No breaking for new months. Just a transition into the next one.  
> Who's going to die this month? And when?  
> Note time!  
> On New Year's Eve, John learned about his daughter Frances, that Martha, the one girl he slept with, had without him knowing. His reaction was to close himself off to other people.  
> I've been meaning to write about another relationship of Alex's that's gone nneglected until now-the relationship he has with his wheelchair. For that, I had to describe it. I don't know what it's like using a wheelchair, I've never even so much as sat in one. But I do know wheelchair users. Several. When you're special needs, you get lumped with other special needs people. Even as an adult. Check out my other story 'It Won't Be Long Now' if you need an example.  
> Anyway, because I know wheelchair users and have done for years, I've been able to see up close and personal how they work. And more importantly, ask the users themselves. Since I know lots of different wheelchair users, I've seen what different types of wheelchairs look like-from manual chairs to power chairs, to ECVs to sports chairs-chairs with handles, chairs without. Chairs with footrests, chairs with foot plates. Standard wheelchairs-which is people's usual first thought, but nobody really uses those for long periods. Maybe if they broke their leg or something, but not a paraplegic.  
> Because of this, I knew immediately which type Alex would use. He would use the above described; small, low back, footplate, no handles, no armrests, lightweight aluminium-oh and in green (referencing Hamilton's costume after the war and before his son's duel). He was a stylish guy. Why wouldn't he choose a stylish wheelchair?  
> I do imagine Alex's wheelchair to look like the one in the link.  
> And I imagine Lin's wheelchair to look like the one in the other link, which would allow him for better mobility when performing.  
> Martha's told Sally that they're sisters. They were friends. So what will happen now?  
> And aaaah supportive papa Hercules! He says it in My Shot that he's the dad friend. Why not actually let him be the dad friend!


	2. There is Quiet

Aaron was clearing out his things. Anything that he didn't need was going to go straight in the trash. Theo was off seeing her mother and had brought Theodosia with her, giving Aaron plenty of time to go through his own stuff. Bank statement-shred. Letter from the debt people-ignore. No shred. That way Theo has deniability. Hospital bills dating back to November 2016? Shred for sure. He didn't want to remember that.

He didn't want to remember the feeling he had when the gun discharged in his hand. He didn't want to remember screaming out as the bullet ripped through Alexander's side. He didn't want to remember the force of the bullet throwing Alexander to the floor-the way he twisted before he hit the ground. The blood spraying and splattering everywhere. The blood. The blood. The blood. The blood! There was so much blood! Why was there so much blood?

Aaron brought his hands to his head, not sure of what was real or not-was this really happening again? It's so vivid-he can even smell the metallic scent of the blood, profusely streaming from Alexander's right side.

The look. The look on Alexander's face. The look of betrayal as if to say 'why did you shoot me? We're supposed to be friends Aaron! This is a mortal wound. I am a dead man. And _you've_ killed me.'

The screaming. George Washington. Panic. Panic. Panic. Blood. Blood. Blood. Alexander was laying in a pool of his own blood. He wasn't going to make it. He was going to die. His friend Alexander was going to die-

Aaron screamed and covered his eyes with his hands as he began to cry.

"Aaron? Jesus! Are you okay? Aaron, open the door!"

That voice. It brought him back to reality.

Aaron sat on the floor, breathing heavily, listening to the voice, before realising the thumping at the door. He stood up and walked to open it.

In the doorway, sitting in his wheelchair-that Aaron put him in-was Alexander Hamilton. "Aaron Burr, Sir, what the hell was _that_?" He asked, looking at his friend in concern.

"I... I'm fine." Aaron wiped his eyes.

"I'm not so sure you are." Alex said. "I was going to ask if I could come in, but-"

"Yeah, come in." Aaron said.

"I had to stay to make sure you were okay, Aaron." Alex said. "It sounded like you were having some sort of PTSD episode. Or being murdered."

"I wasn't being murdered." Aaron said.

"No. I... I can see that. Give me some credit." Alex shrugged. "Burr. I think you might have PTSD. You-anything traumatic happen to you lately?"

' _Shooting you_.' Aaron thought. "No." He answered.

Alex hummed in a way that he wasn't convinced that it was so true. "Whatever you say, man."

Aaron stared at Alex. Watching the rise and fall of his chest. His fingers twitching on the wheel of his wheelchair. The slight narrowing of his eyes as he looked up at Aaron. The twitch of his nose keeping his glasses from falling down.

"Alex. What did you come here for?" Aaron asked.

"No reason." Alex replied. "I mean, John's being a dick, but..." He shrugged. "I guess I wanted company."

"Yeah." Aaron nodded and stepped aside. "Yeah, come in, Alex."

Alex wheeled himself inside and Aaron closed the door after him. He caught sight of Aaron's papers, strewn across the floor in the centre of the room. He turned to face Aaron. "

"Doing a little spring cleaning, Aaron?"

"I-yeah. You could say that." Aaron said.

Alex put his hands on the handrims of his chair and pulled himself into a wheelie. "Where's Theo and Theo?" He asked casually.

"Theo's with her mom." Aaron looked at Alex, in slight bewilderment. "What are you doing?"

"Wheelie." Alex shrugged casually.

"Don't do that in here." Aaron said. "You're going to break your neck and I will not be responsible for having paralysed you twice."

"Relax, Aaron." Alex said, planting the castor wheels of his chair back on the floor. "Wheelies are totally necessary for us wheelchair users. I mean, I was taught how to do one by my physical therapist-"

"Still. Not in here." Aaron said.

"Aren't you being an overprotective little shit today." Alex commented dryly.

"You're in a wheelchair, Alex."

Alex gasped in an exaggerated manner. "You mean these _aren't_ my legs?!" He tapped the wheels.

"Alex..." Aaron said in a low growl.

Alex thumped the top of his thigh to Aaron's horror. "Oh my god! Aaron! I can't feel my legs!" He cried out. He hit his knee which gave no reflex action. "Aaron, I can't move my legs!"

Aaron trembled slightly.

Alex chuckled. "It's fine, Aaron. I know I'm paralysed. I know I can't move my legs. Though hitting my thigh was unadvised. I... actually felt that."

"Jesus, Alex. Don't _do_ that." Aaron said.

"Wait... Aaron." Alex frowned. "Do you still feel _bad_ about shooting me?"

Aaron looked away sheepishly and almost fearful.

"No. You don't." Alex said quietly. "You've been having _flashbacks_ of shooting me. Haven't you?"

"Of course I haven't." Aaron said.

"Aaron. Don't lie." Alex said. "I have flashbacks too. I have PTSD too." Silence. "Say something?"

"Don't tell Theo." Aaron said in a small voice.

"I won't." Alex said.

"Thank you." Aaron said.

" _You're_ going to have to be the one to do that." Alex said.

"No." Aaron shook his head.

"Hear me out-"

"No way."

"You're having flashbacks. That's something Theo will want to know about-especially when you get closed off from everyone and start taking drugs-"

"I'm not on drugs!"

"But people with PTSD are at a greater risk of becoming addicts." Alex pointed out. "What-what happens in your flashbacks? Is it just you shooting me replaying in your mind?"

"I don't want to talk about it." Aaron said.

"Aaron?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Alexander!" Aaron bellowed.

Alex flinched and shrunk back in his wheelchair. He had never seen Aaron so... _upset_ before. He sighed.

"In the hurricane... the winds. They were high. Loud. Whistling. You could hear them crashing into the walls. The rain was coming down in sheets. Little tornadoes were ripping shit up. The Stevenses gathered us all in the basement. But it wasn't enough. A tornado destroyed the house. Waves were crashing-huge storm surges were happening. The island flooded. We were drowning. Then..." Alex paused.

"It stopped. The howling winds just suddenly stopped. Which was very surreal. Against my family's warnings, I went out. It was totally calm. Quiet. Sunny. Not a cloud in sight. Eerie. But you could see the damage. That much was obvious. It was almost like nothing had happened-yet it so clearly had. The eye of the storm. Half an hour. Maybe more. I don't know anymore. Then the winds started suddenly howling again. I ran down to the basement. You could hear crashing, smashing outside, but you didn't know what it was. The basement flooded in a storm surge..."

"Alex?" Aaron asked gently.

"I didn't drown. I couldn't seem to die." Alex said. "After it was all over... all that death. Destruction. We were powerless. We were powerless. Figuratively _and_ literally. So much death. Dead bodies, corpses, in the street. People you knew. Nobody was totally sure where it was going to go. The path it would take. The hurricane... destroyed my town. Aaron. Completely... destroyed. Over ninety percent of the island-the buildings were structurally unsound. We didn't know what was happening-there was no TV, no internet, no radio. Comms were wiped out. We had to clean everything up. No food. No clean water. No power."

"Jesus."

"I survived. I wrote about it-I wrote my way out of hell. I got the attention of the other survivors. I got brought to New York and went to live with the Mulligans. Then I met you."

"Holy shit. Alex-"

"Now when the power goes out, I hear winds, see lashing rain, hear a recycling box get dragged along in the wind... all I can think about it feeling helpless, powerless in that hurricane. The eye. The eye _wall_. Seeing people I know lying dead in the street-knowing now that they're in unmarked graves. Because I don't think I have it in me to survive another Cat 5 storm like that again."

"I had no idea." Aaron said earnestly.

"Because I don't _tell_ people the full details." Alex said. "I haven't even told _you_ the full details-the horrors of what I saw. You'd need a strong stomach for that. Trust me. Didn't you ever wonder why I slept with my light on?" He sighed.

Now it had been pointed out to him, Aaron could see it in Alex's eyes. He was haunted by that hurricane. He was haunted by the things he'd seen. He didn't tell people because it would bring them from their ignorant lives.

"Tell me about _your_ flashbacks." Alex said.

Aaron bit his lip, debating whether to tell Alex. Since Alex had shared something so personal, it only felt right for Aaron to do the same.

"Okay." He said. "The gun. The bullet hitting you. Spraying blood everywhere. The way the force of the bullet knocked you off your feet. The smell of blood. You on the floor. Blood pouring-blood so much blood." His breathing began getting quicker.

"Aaron, relax. I'm right here." Alex said. He lifted up his shirt to show Aaron the scars on his stomach. "Look. I'm okay. I survived."

"I was _supposed_ to be your friend." Aaron said.

"You still are." Alex said. "You're my friend Aaron Burr."

"I don't want to think about shooting you every day, every night-"

"How long has this been going on for?" Alex asked.

Aaron took a breath. "Since the day I shot you."

"Oh my-Aaron." Alex shook his head. "You _have_ to tell Theo."

"I can't."

"You need to tell her. She's your partner. The mother of your daughter. She has a right to know that you have day and nightmares, flashbacks, about shooting me."

"Putting you in a wheelchair." Aaron said. "You can't walk."

"No, I can't, but I don't see the wheelchair as a big issue anymore." Alex said honestly. "I used to. But... I love my chair. I do. It's my freedom."

"But you can't run and jump and skateboard and climb tables-"

"I don't need to." Alex said. "I can pop a wheelie."

"But you want to be a politician-"

"And I still can-Franklin Roosevelt used a wheelchair too. He was paralysed because of polio or something."

"Alex-"

"Anything you can do, I can do just as well." Alex said. "Or as my clone would say, 'anything you can do, I can do better."

"Pretty sure he isn't in Annie, Get Your Gun." Aaron said.

"So you _do_ know musicals." Alex said.

"Only the famous ones." Aaron said. "Like Pirates of Penzance, HMS Pinafore, Chess, Annie, Get Your Gun, Fame, Oklahoma, Wicked, In the Heights, Kinky Boots, Book of Mormon, Cats, Miss Saigon, West Side Story, The Lion King, Les Mis, Phantom of the Opera, Thoroughly Modern Millie, Matilda, Annie, Oliver, Evita and Mercy: An American Musical."

"You named... more than I thought you could." Alex said, almost smugly.

"Maybe I know more musicals than you give me credit for." Aaron said. "I _did_ grow up in the same city as Broadway."

"Aaron." Alex said. "Do me a favour."

"Anything, Alex." Aaron said. "I shot you, I put you in a wheelchair, I should-"

"Tell Theo."

_"What?"_

"You said _just now_ that you'd do anything for me." Alex said. "I want you to tell Theo."

Aaron opened his mouth as if to say something.

"And if you _truly_ cared about me, considered me a friend, you would do it." Alex said.

Aaron closed his mouth and simply nodded.

Alex took his vibrating phone from his coat pocket to look at it. "Right. John's decided to stop being such a stubborn ass, so I'm going to have to go back to our apartment now." He slipped the phone back into his pocket. "Aaron, I mean it, if you need me, call me. I know it's not fun living like this."

Aaron walked over to the door and opened it, letting Alex out.

"Are you going to say anything?" Alex asked.

"I'll see you around, Alex."

"Yeah, I guess I will." Alex said.

* * *

On his way back from Aaron's, Alex realised he still hadn't got his coffee, so he stopped off in the coffee shop on campus. No sooner had he opened the door and wheeled himself inside, he bumped into John Adams. Technically, the frame of his wheelchair had. But it was still Alex himself who had.

"Hamilton." Adams sneered.

Alex folded his arms. " _Shit_ Professor Adams."

Adams growled. If there was one thing he hated more than Alexander Hamilton, it was being considered a worse professor than his wife, even though it was absolutely true and the university also agreed. His wife Abigail was the highly accomplished dean of History. Whereas John...

John was just a tenured professor who racially taunted his students, hated foreigners, voted for Trump and didn't know where France was. He was also very power hungry. He wanted that position as dean. He was upset that he didn't get it and let everyone know. He was a horrible teacher as well and spent much of his time not grading papers, but deciding what pompous name his students should call him next (His High Mightiness being one of his favourites). He loved to humble brag about himself-that's what got William Van Ness expelled from his lectures. He had found John Adams' diary and read it aloud. And everyone laughed.

Since then, he hated free speech, even going so far as to ban it in his lecture theatres. Hatred of John Adams was the only thing Alex had in common with Jefferson. Alex had heard this story enough to respect Jefferson slightly for it; when Alex had been in a coma, Jefferson had told John Adams to go and fuck himself, getting him banned from Adams' lectures ever since. He had an F on that module.

How John Adams ever got tenure-or a job-was beyond Alex's comprehension. How he stayed married to the kind Abigail Adams was even bigger a mystery. Probably one that will never be solved. What was _not_ a mystery, however, was why he hated Alex.

"I see becoming a cripple has done nothing for your outspoken mannerisms, you little bastard."

"Well, I'd rather have my legs crippled than my common sense." Alex remarked dryly. "Oh, I forgot. You don't like Thomas Paine, do you? The man who led our country to independence-"

"America is _not_ your country and it would do you well to remember that." John snapped.

"Oh. Except it is." Alex said. "See, I _live_ here. That makes it _my_ country too."

"But you weren't born here like _I_ was-"

"Because that automatically makes someone superior, right?" Alex asked. "You're a _history professor_. I thought you of all people would know about the Nazis."

"I am _not_ a Nazi."

"Sure you're not." Alex said. He wheeled himself away, whistling Der Fuehrer's Face, to John Adams' annoyance.

Alex made his order and paid for it, waiting at the counter.

"Well, well. _Hamilton_."

Alex groaned. "Jefferson."

"Look, I don't get what vendetta John Adams has against you." Jefferson said. "I remember when we were friends-"

"Didn't last long, did it?" Alex asked.

Jefferson snorted. "It did not." He said. "But you know what?"

"What?" Alex asked.

"I still respect you." Jefferson said. "I saved your life. I care about you. I went to the hospital after you were shot."

"I didn't ask you to do _any_ of those things." Alex said.

"If I didn't, you wouldn't be standing there right now."

Alex loudly cleared his throat and pointed to his wheelchair.

"I mean _sitting_." Jefferson corrected. "Should I have just let you die?"

"I don't like the idea of being in your debt. I hate you."

"I don't hate _you_." Jefferson said. "I just hate your stubbornness, your refusal to back down, shy away from an argument, you're too brash and outspoken, annoying. We disagree on just about everything, but I don't hate you."

"You hate John Adams more, don't you?" Alex asked.

"Damn right I do." Jefferson answered.

"Cappuccino with whipped cream for Alec!" The barista shouted out.

"I hate you." Alex said, taking his coffee from the barista. He bent over to put his coffee in the cup holder and straightened himself out.

Jefferson raised an eyebrow. "Cup holder?"

"Let's see _you_ be in a wheelchair Jefferson." Alex said. "Use both your hands to move yourself along so you can't hold coffee-"

"Electric wheelchair." Jefferson answered.

Alex shrugged exaggeratedly. "Well, I'm a T8 and I have two perfectly functional arms."

"I'd still use an electric wheelchair."

"Of course you would, Mister 'I Wear My Slippers To Class'." Alex rolled his eyes.

"Hey!"

Alex shot Jefferson a look that read 'fight me, bro'.

"Fine. Just don't get involved in any more eighteenth century duels."

"Why the _hell_ would I get involved in eighteenth century duels?" Alex asked. "Who am I-Andrew Jackson?"

"Well, you _did_ play him in that um... y'know. Where you got shot?"

"He was a fucking asshole." Alex said. "I hate him and I bet if I'd been alive in the eighteenth century, I would have hated him then too. Stupid slave owning, Native American removing, murdering-."

"Why'd you play him then?" Jefferson asked.

"Because jerkass got shot in the chest and coughed up blood forever." Alex said.

"Would you challenge him to a duel if you were around then?"

"Nah." Alex shrugged. "Duels are stupid. Stand there and have someone shoot at you?"

"And if you'd been shot, there'd be no wheelchairs in them days. You'd just die. Probably painfully."

"I know, right? Why would I put myself through that, when I could just punch him in the face?" He paused. "Or at my level, the nads."

Jefferson simply nodded. He knew how hard a punch from Alex could be. For such a little guy, he sure packed a lot of strength. "Look at us having a civil conversation for once."

"You're right." Alex nodded.

Jefferson smiled at Alex, who smiled back.

"Fuck you." Alex said.

"You too, Hamilton."

"Whatever." Alex muttered. He wheeled himself towards the door.

"Need any help?" Jefferson asked.

"I got it." Alex said. He put one hand on the wall and the other on the door handle and pulled the door open.

"Damn. I guess you _do_ got it." Jefferson muttered.

Alex manoeuvred himself out of the door and down the step onto the sidewalk. Jefferson followed.

"Getting colder." Jefferson said.

It _was_ getting colder. And the snow was coming down faster.

"Shit. I should get home." Alex said.

"Need any-"

"No."

Jefferson cleared his throat. "Look, Hamilton," he began, "be careful with this cyclone bomb thing, yeah?"

"The bomb cyclone, Jefferson." Alex corrected.

"Yeah."

"Well, obviously if the snow gets too bad, I'm not going to go out." Alex said. "I can't use my chair in the snow as well as I can when there's no snow. The wheels would get stuck for starters."

"Yeah. That-that actually makes sense." Jefferson nodded.

"I'll see you around, Jefferson. But hopefully not too soon." Alex said, taking off down the snow covered path.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy research, Batman! I did a lot of it here. Like... really.  
> Okay. At first, I wrote Alex disconnected from his wheelchair with terms like 'he moved', 'he went' etc. But he's starting to see his wheelchair more as a part of him and it's more noticeable in terms like-'he wheeled', 'he pointed to his wheelchair' etc. It's a part of him now. That's my way of showing that.  
> I have PTSD. Sometimes flashbacks do get that vivid that you're essentially just back in the time and place and you don't know what's real or not. That's what I was trying to convey for Aaron Burr (Sir).  
> You don't know this, so I'm telling you now. I travelled to America and was caught in the middle of Hurricane Irma. When I say 'the middle', I mean the actual middle. The eye of the hurricane went over. The wind is howling as the eyewall moves, then suddenly... it stops. And everything is calm. You take a look outside. Uprooted trees, flood damage, debris everywhere. And you know it's not over-you know that the worst is yet to come. What I wrote for Alex, that was a lot of my own experience with Irma, Ophelia and Sandy. At home, we're constantly getting extratropical cyclones-in fact, we've already had two this year (it's January the 5th 2017, by the way, those reading in the future) and I'm sad to say that storm surges aren't exactly new to me, living on a small island and in a coastal town.  
> Franklin Roosevelt was at the time diagnosed with Polio, but he probably actually had Guillian Barre.  
> I love Annie, Get Your Gun. And as a bonus, it was co-written by a woman!  
> Ah. John Adams. He didn't like immigrants. Like at all. Wanted to ban them-wonder what other president is trying to do the same? Here's the real kicker though, Hamilton didn't much like immigrants either.  
> With regards to France... at least the voters knew that Thomas Jefferson knew where France is.  
> He was extremely power hungry and actually did insist that people called him 'His High Mightiness' as a title.  
> Not many people know this, but John Adams practically invented the humble-brag.  
> His diary was read aloud to congress where he was mocked for it and laughed at. William Van Ness historically didn't do it, but it makes sense for him to have done it in this world, so he did.  
> He did actually try to ban free speech.  
> On Jefferson. They were friends, then they hated each other for years-the ones they were presidents for-then they were friends again. Adams didn't even turn up to Jefferson's inauguration.  
> Historically, Abigail Adams didn't like Hamilton either. She was weirdly obsessed with his sex life. And it was her and John that spread that 'Martha Washington named her feral tomcat after him' rumour. Even though the guy only really had one affair. John Adams hated Hamilton until the day he died. Adams, that is. He slandered Hamilton publicly quite recently after he'd been shot by Burr. And both he and Abigail refused to wear black-as most people had done.  
> So why did Adams hate Hamilton? Adams was practically a puritan. Hamilton not so much. Adams himself didn't own slaves but supported slavery. Hamilton spent most of his life as an abolitionist. Hamilton hated democracy, called it 'evil' and thought that the people should stay out of running a country and let the rich people, the ruling class, do it and was super corrupt. Lastly, Adams insulted Hamilton, calling him 'The bastard brat of a Scottish peddlar' and Hamilton responded with a book telling the world was a shitty president Adams was. You tell me why Adams hated Hamilton. The sad truth is that Hamilton just wasn't as good a guy as Lin-Manuel Miranda paints him out to be. As a Jeremy Corbyn supporter, I can honestly say that I don't like Historical Hamilton.  
> Actually, Adams just hated everyone, including Thomas Paine, the writer of Common Sense. Also Benjamin Franklin, James Madison, and George Washington. Then again, vanity might have something to do with it. I don't know. I'm no historian.  
> Der Fuehrer's Face. Kinda racist in its portrayal of Hirohito and Tojo, but it's the product of its time. You should see it at least once.  
> Before they locked horns, Hamilton and Jefferson were actually-wait for it-friends! It lasted a year. But for all Jefferson's hatred of Hamilton, he did actually respect him as a political rival.  
> Jefferson and his slippers. That was a thing. Of course, I also know an eccentric old rich dude who dresses like a hipster, doesn't talk in public and loves to wear his slippers everywhere. Maybe he's a reincarnation of Jefferson.  
> Hamilton would absolutely have hated Andrew Jackson. Hamilton was all about treating Native Americans with respect, while Jackson... yeah. He also did get shot in the chest in a duel and coughed up blood the rest of his life.  
> And finally, to be more topical, the Bomb Cyclone.  
> Check out the references to both musical theatre and history!


	3. Who Lives

John opened the door to find Lin-Manuel Miranda standing there, leaning heavily on a cane with one hand and the other hand was holding a wrapped present. He was smiling brightly and his expressive brown eyes were sparkling mischievously.

"Can I help you?" John asked. 

Lin began to sing. " _C_ _umpleaños feliz! Cumpleaños feliz_!"

"Lin, shut up!" Alex shouted. "I'm here, there's no need to sing." He stopped almost right in front of Lin.

"Hey, that song's a classic." Lin said. "You don't mess with the classics." 

"Are you going to come in?" Alex asked. 

"Nah, I'm just dropping off your birthday present." 

"Why?" Alex asked. 

"Because you're family." Lin handed Alex the box. 

Alex took the box, careful not to make skin to skin contact with Lin. "No, I mean, why do you get me stuff? It's all the time, Lin. Christmas, you got me something, on New Years, you sent me that bottle of wine, You sent me a parcel just a few days ago-"

"Día de Reyes." Lin said. 

"I... don't know what that is." Alex said. "I don't celebrate it." 

"It's a Puerto Rican holiday." John said. 

"And you'd know that how?" Alex asked accusingly. 

"I'm Puerto Rican, Alex" John said. 

"See, John gets it." Lin said.

"I didn't know you were Puerto Rican, John." Alex said. "I thought you were from South Carolina." 

"I am." John said. "But my parents-my dad's Puerto Rican. Mom was too. I've been there. I know the traditions." 

"So what's Día de Reyes then?" Alex asked.

"It's basically Puerto Rican Christmas." John explained. "I mean, there's more to it than that, but that's basically what it is. Bare bones." 

"Okay. But despite  _him_ ," Alex jerked a thumb towards Lin, "I'm  _not_  Puerto Rican. I'm from the West Indies." 

"Hey, where's the East Indies?" John asked. "There's a West Indies, so shouldn't there be an East Indies?" 

"I don't know, John, where's East Virginia?" 

"Uh... Regular Virginia?" 

Alex turned back to Lin. "Lin, no more gifts." He said. "Please. Just spend the money you would spend on me on Sebastian." 

"But his birthday's in November-"

"Lin." Alex said firmly.

"Okay." Lin nodded. "Okay. No more presents. But you know where else is in the West Indies?" 

"Barbados?" Alex suggested. 

Lin shrugged exaggeratedly. "Puerto Rico." He answered. 

"What?" John and Alex said in unison.

"Oh yeah. It's true." Lin said. "In the West Indies, there's the Greater Antilles and the Lesser Antilles. You're from Nevis or St Croix, which is in the Greater Antilles. Mine and John's family come from Puerto Rico, in the Lesser Antilles." 

"So we're all from the West Indies." Alex concluded. 

Lin smiled. "Now you're getting it." He said. "Alexander Hamilton (I love that name), you are not alone. There are more people out there from the West Indies than you think." 

"Yeah, I-I guess so." Alex nodded. He took a deep breath. "Bye, Lin." 

"Wait-what?" 

Before Lin could even finish, Alex had slammed the door in his face. 

"Alex, what the hell was  _that_  for?" John asked.

"I can't stand his stupid present giving." Alex admitted. "He doesn't need to get me presents for Puerto Rican Christmas because I don't celebrate it."

"He was probably just trying to include you in his family." John said. 

"I don't want him to." Alex set the present from his lap on to the coffee table. "I'm going to go and lie down."

"But it's your birthday." John argued. "Don't you want to see what he got you?" 

"No." Alex said. "I'll look later, I guess."

"What's up?" John asked. 

"Nothing's up." Alex said. "I just... I don't like my birthday, John. Do you not remember what happened last year?"

"No, I remember." John said. 

"Besides, we're going down to Florida next week. We have to find Peggy." 

"What's that got to do with-"

"We need to rest up for the big trip." Alex said. "It's gonna be my first time flying while disabled."

"I guess I didn't think of it that way." John said. 

"So I'm going to have to find out how that's going to work." Alex said. 

John hummed. "I guess so." 

"I'm going to bed for a while." Alex said. 

"Alright." John said. "I'm going out." 

"Don't stay out too long." Alex said. 

"Course not. I want to celebrate your birthday." John said with a slight chuckle. 

Alex rolled his eyes. "Hardee har har." 

"See you later." John said. He leaned down and pecked Alex on the cheek. Then he grabbed his coat and left the apartment. 

* * *

Theo and Aaron were in their apartment, watching the TV.  Baby Theodosia was fast asleep in Theo's lap.

"Aaron, I'm so cold. I don't know how I can go on like this." Theo said. 

"I know it sucks not being able to afford heating bills." Aaron said. 

"I thought you were born into a rich family?" Theo asked. 

"My parents  _were_  rich." Aaron said. "But I don't get so much as a cent of the money until I've graduated." He paused. "What about  _your_  mother? She had money, right?" 

"It's going on my tuition and my medical bills, Aaron." Theo said. "I'm just so worried about Theodosia. She's a baby. She shouldn't be cold."

"Swaddle her." Aaron suggested.

"No way." Theo said. "She's nearly five months old. That's too old to be swaddled, Aaron. She can turn over now." 

"I didn't know that." Aaron said. 

"Of course you didn't-you're not her mother!" Theo hissed.

"So because I'm her father, I'm not good enough?" Aaron snapped. "That it right? You know I'd do anything for that girl. I'd kill for my little girl."

"Then don't swaddle her or you'll  _kill_  her." Theo said. 

"Bit harsh-"

"No, Aaron, it's not." Theo said. "Unless you want our daughter to die of cot death." 

"I don't want our daughter to die at all." Aaron said. 

On Theo's lap, Theodosia stirred. 

"Oh god." Theo muttered. 

"What?" Aaron asked. 

"You said you'd kill for our daughter," Theo began, "well, I need you to do something just as nasty. She needs changing." 

"Oh. Eew." Aaron exclaimed. He stood up and walked the few steps over. Then his nose wrinkled in disgust. "Alright. Come on, baby." He said as he picked her up. "Oh, you're getting heavier, aren't you? Yes you are, my beautiful girl." 

Aaron carried Theodosia into the bedroom. 

Theo shivered and rubbed her arms. 

"Theo, do we have any more diapers?" Aaron called out. 

"How many are there left?" Theo shouted back. 

"Just the one!" 

Theo cursed under her breath. "Alright!" She shouted. "I'm going to go out and get some more from the pharmacy." 

"No, I'll go!" Aaron said. "Just let me finish changing-"

"It's okay, Aaron, I haven't been out since New Year's anyway!" She stood up. 

"Okay. Be careful." Aaron said. 

Theo barely heard him. "I will." She said. She put on her coat, grabbed her wallet and keys and headed out of the door. 

* * *

Hercules was standing in the doorway of Peggy and Lafayette's room. It hadn't been touched since Peggy disappeared. Two cribs that never got the chance to be used were in one corner of the room, a double bed in the other. As much as he wouldn't say it, he actually missed Peggy and Lafayette being around. 

Sally came up to him. "Hercules." She said. "I don't know what else we can do to bring her back home." 

"I know." Hercules said. "Alex thinks he has a lead down in Florida. He's going there soon." 

"Do you think he can bring her back safely?" Sally asked. 

"I... don't know." Hercules said honestly. "I just don't know." 

"Do you want to go and put up some more fliers?" 

"I think we put enough up when she vanished." Hercules said. "Any more and we'll probably get in trouble for littering." 

"I know you miss Peggy." 

"I really do." 

"But we should start thinking about the wedding again." 

"How can you say  _that_?" Hercules asked. "I can't celebrate! Not while Peggy's gone!" 

"It's been seven months, Hercules." Sally said. "Time to move on." 

"No. No, not 'time to move on'." Hercules snapped. "It hasn't even been a  _year_. Widows dress in black for two years after their husbands die-some cultures do it for longer. Life, even." 

"You're  _not_  a widow." Sally pointed out. "You're someone who's friend and roommmate went missing-"

"Yeah, she went missing, Sally." Hercules said. "She disappeared. Six months before that, my little brother was shot and nearly killed. I have been through hell-"

"So have I!" Sally raised her voice. "I found out that my mother has been  _fucking_  a lawyer-a  _married_  lawyer-and that my sister is the lawyer's daughter! My life's been turned upside down too!" She argued. "I just want something to celebrate in the midst of all this sadness." 

"I  _don't_  want to celebrate." Hercules reached for the door knob and slammed the door shut. 

"If you could just-"

"No." 

"Fine." Sally said curtly. "Be that way then." She walked down the short hall to the living room. 

"Where are you going?" Hercules asked, following her. 

"I'm leaving Hercules." She said. "I'm going for a walk and when I come back-"

"I'm not going to forget about Peggy like that!" 

Sally spoke through gritted teeth. "I wasn't going to ask you to." She took her coat off the peg. "But I want your attitude changed." She said. "If you feel that depressed, go and see a doctor." She opened the door and walked through it. 

Hercules grabbed his coat and hastily put it on as well, before following her out of the door. 

* * *

Jefferson was in his office chair, spinning around. James sat on the couch with his legs curled up, trying to read a book. And Maria was on her phone, just looking at Facebook. None of them particularly wanted to be in each other's company, but they had to be because of the freezing cold weather. Also they lived together. 

"Angelica should be back soon." Maria said, if only to break the silence. 

As James and Jefferson weren't together anymore (James was actually seeing the Quaker Dolley Payne), they hardly talked either. Maria had moved in after James found himself homeless after leaving Jefferson. Angelica had moved in over the Summer, having lost her dorm.

"Okay." Jefferson said, still spinning on the chair. 

"For god's sake, Thomas, can you stop that?" James slammed his book down. "The squeaking is getting on my damn nerves."

James' curtness to Jefferson surprised Maria, because she'd only ever seen James be timid and shy, so she assumed he was like that all the time. She had assumed wrongly.

"Fuck you. I pay my rent. I'll do what I like." Jefferson snapped.

"I pay rent here too and I don't pay it to be annoyed by the squeaking, scraping sound of your stupid ass, motherfucking swivel chair!" James shouted.

"Yeah, that's right!" Jefferson shouted back. "It's my dam chair! So I'll do what-"

"Shut up!" Maria shouted, louder than the boys. "Just shut the fuck up! Dear god, Jefferson, stop that noise!" 

"Whatever." Jefferson mumbled and stopped spinning. 

"I can't take this." James muttered. He stood up off the couch and put his book on the coffee table. "I don't care how cold it is out there. I'll take my chances." 

"You have to ruin everything, don't you, Jefferson?" Maria sighed.

"You don't have to live here." Jefferson commented. "You could just move out."

"I pay rent here too." Maria said. "So does Angelica and James and..." She growled. "James, wait for me." She stood up and put her phone in her pocket. 

"Sure." James said. He was putting on his scarf.

Maria walked over to get her coat.

"Let me come as well." Jefferson said.

"No, that's okay." Maria said. "I need to see Alex anyway. It's his birthday."

"Ugh. Hamilton." Jefferson shook his head. "You know I saw him before the blizzard."

"How was he?" James asked.

"He was getting a coffee." Jefferson said. "I had no idea that wheelchair people could open doors."

Maria and James exchanged a glance. 

"Pretty sure you don't call disabled people 'wheelchair people', Thomas." James said.

"Why not?" Jefferson asked, almost defensively. "FDR is the wheelchair president and-"

"Okay, I think that's our cue to leave!" Maria said loudly. "Try not to kill yourself with ineptitude while we're out."

"Hey!" Jefferson exclaimed indignantly. "I'll have you know that I lived alone for a _week_!"

"A week is a week, Jefferson." Maria zipped up her coat. "You _still_ don't know how to load a dishwasher."

"My nanny always did that for me." Jefferson admitted. 

"Exactly." Maria said. "Don't kill yourself."

"We'll be back once we've calmed down." James said. 

With that, the two walked out the door, leaving Jefferson alone.

* * *

Sometime later, Eliza arrived home in a panic. She opened the door with Angelica the puppy bounding around her ankles. "Alex!" She shouted urgently. "John!"

"John's not here. He's out." Alex said. He wheeled himself out of the bedroom. "What's wrong?" 

"There's been an incident on campus." Eliza said. "Someone _died_." 

"Shit." Alex cursed. "Who?" He asked. "What happened?"

"I don't know." Eliza admitted. "But I can't get hold of Angelica. I can't get hold of Theo or Hercules or John or Lafayette or Martha or  _anyone_." 

Alex made a few quick taps to his phone and put it up to his ear. 

" _Oye! Es Lin aquí! No puedo resonder en est_ -"

Alex ripped the phone from his ear and tapped at it again. "I can't get hold of Lin." He said. "I'm gonna try Ned." 

" _You've reached Edward Stevens. I'm probably busy right_ -"

"Shit." Alex said. 

"Can't get hold of him?" Eliza asked. 

"Not answering." Alex said. "Do you really think it could be one of ours who's dead?" 

"William Van Ness would know." Eliza said. "Too bad I can't get hold of him either." 

"Is there anyone you  _can_  get hold of?" Alex asked. 

"You." Eliza said. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. Sombre mood time. I said I'd be killing off one of the Hamilsquad. Permanently, like. This isn't a comic book. Now's the time to stake your bets, folks.  
> Is it Hercules?  
> Sally?  
> John?  
> Theo?  
> Aaron?  
> Dolley?  
> James?  
> Jefferson?  
> Maria?  
> Angelica?  
> Lafayette?  
> Martha?  
> Ned?  
> William?  
> ... Lin?  
> Or someone else?  
> Find out in the next chapter.  
> Alex should really ease up on Lin, who's only trying to make him feel like part of his family. After all, he might be dead.  
> Puerto Rico is in the West Indies. The Greater Antilles and Lesser Antilles make up the West Indies, along with the Lucayan Archipelago, where the Bahamas are. Lin's geography is a little faulty, but as the Bahamas didn't come up in conversation, I can forgive him, just as I hope you can. Just as an aside, Usnavi is a West Indian too. Usnavi and Hamilton... Well, it's no coincidence.  
> Also, I know Dia de Reyes isn't exactly Puerto Rican Christmas, but for the purpose of simplicity, it is. I'm pretty sure Lin would celebrate it, given he's Puerto Rican. But I'm not entirely sure. Alex should take more interest in John's culture. After all, he might be dead.  
> You should absolutely stop swaddling when a baby can turn over. It does lead to SIDS or 'cot death'.  
> Aaron might not have to kill for his daughter. He might be dead.  
> And will Theo come back with the diapers? Or is she dead?  
> Hercules and Sally might regret having that argument. Sally might be dead. Or maybe it's Hercules who's dead.  
> Maria might regret telling Jefferson not to kill himself with his ineptitude. He might be dead. Maybe in a twist of irony, it's Maria who's dead. Or perhaps as a guilt trip to Jefferson, it's James who's dead.  
> Maybe it's Ned. Or Angelica? Who knows?  
> But someone's dead. Someone's very much dead.


	4. Who Dies

"Okay. Let's _not_ panic." Alex said, though there was panic evident in his voice. "I'm alive. You're alive. Angelica the dog is alive. And the baby's okay." 

"Yeah." Eliza nodded. She took a deep breath. "Yeah. We're okay. But what about John?"

"I'm sure he's okay too." Alex said. "He said he went out. He would be home soon." 

"What if he's _dead_?!" Eliza shouted. She brought her hands to her head. "Oh my god, what is _happening_?!"

There was a knock on the door, which quickly went to banging.

"Eliza, shh. That could be John." Alex said. He went to open the door, only to find Kitty standing there. 

"I heard shouting. Are you guys okay?" She asked. 

"Oh... Kitty." Eliza said. "Yes. We're, um, fine." 

"You didn't _sound_ fine." Kitty said. 

"Apparently someone died on campus." Alex said. "Don't know how. Don't know who." 

Kitty's eyes widened. "Oh shit." 

"I know." Alex nodded. "We know." 

"We're glad it's not you, Kitty." Eliza said coolly. She didn't really like Kitty all that much, however, she still wouldn't like to see anyone dead.

"Are you coming in?" Alex asked.

"Are you joking?" Eliza asked. "Alex, we don't want her in our home." 

"What's going on here?" Someone asked. 

Eliza poked her head out of the door, to see the trio of James Madison, Maria Lewis and her sister, Angelica Schuyler. 

"Angelica!" 

"Eliza!" Angelica exclaimed. She and Eliza rushed over to each other and hugged. 

"Angelica, I thought you were dead." 

"Dead?" James asked. 

"Someone died, James." Angelica said. "I think they were stabbed." 

"Do you know who it was?" Alex asked. 

Angelica shook her head. "No. Sorry. But I figured it wasn't you. Nobody was saying anything about a wheelchair." 

"Gee. Thanks." Alex said dryly. "That seems to have become the sum total of me now." 

"Are you okay, Alex?" Angelica asked. "Where's John?" 

"John's gone out. He'll be back soon." Alex said. 

"Why don't you come in?" Eliza offered. "After all, I see you holding a birthday present, Maria." 

"Yeah, we did come here to see Alex." Maria said. "And not at all to get away from Thomas Jefferson."

Alex rolled his eyes. "Ugh. _That_ guy." 

"So who let you in?" Eliza asked. 

"Oh, one of your neighbours did. Some guy on the first floor." Angelica said. "Tall white guy, long hair. Kind of looks like a 21 Jump Street type of spy-"

"That would be Ben." Eliza said. 

"He's not an undercover cop." Alex said. "He's just a slacker. Pretty sure he does weed too." 

"Come on in, guys." Eliza said. She held the door open and everyone went into the apartment. "Fine. You too, Kitty." She said with a sigh. 

Just as Eliza was about to close the door, a foot appeared in she doorway. Eliza opened the door to see who it was. 

"Surprise." 

"What do you want, Jefferson?" Eliza asked. 

"I followed James and Maria." He admitted. "Heard something about someone being stabbed..."

"I don't know who it is." Eliza said.

"Who's there?" Alex asked.

"Me!" Jefferson shouted. 

"Oh. Yeah, you can go and fuck yourself." Alex said. 

"Come on in, Jefferson." Eliza said. 

"What, really?" Jefferson was taken aback. He wasn't expecting to be invited in. 

"Well, we wouldn't normally invite you in." Eliza began. "But as someone's been murdered-"

"The murderer could still be out there." James pointed out.

"Yeah. Exceptional circumstances." Alex said.

"I can't believe this." Angelica said. 

"Well." James shrugged. "We're all okay. And not dead." 

"Look, Jefferson, you saved my life. I'm glad you're not dead. But I still don't really like you." Alex said. 

"James is right though." Maria said. "Angelica, Eliza, Alex, James, Jefferson, Kitty and me, we're okay." 

"See if you can get hold of anyone else." Alex said. "I'm gonna go cath." 

"Cath?" Kitty asked. 

"You don't want to know." Eliza said as Alex wheeled himself into the bedroom. 

"I'll try and get hold of Hercules." Angelica said. 

"I'll try Sally." Jefferson said. 

"Aaron." James said.

"I don't know any of your friends." Kitty said. 

"So?" Eliza shrugged. "Call _your_ friends." 

* * *

_**elizaluvspuppies**_ : hello? 

_**elizaluvspuppies**_ : Can anyone who sees this respond please?

_**elizaluvspuppies**_ : it's really urgent

_**Jmadison**_ : Hello I see this

_**elizaluvspuppies**_ : anyone no tin the same room as me.

_**hunkules**_ : Eliza? You okay?

_**Jmadison**_ : there's been a murder

_**hunkules**_ : omg who?

_**Jmadison**_ : I don't know

_**ActualAngel**_ : I don't know either. I kust heard it wasa stabbing

_**BigBrother**_ : actually it was a shooting

_**elizaluvspuppies**_ : Willam. youre not dead.

_**BigBrother**_ : no I'm alive. 

_**Jmadison**_ : so you know who gto shot then?

_**BigBrother**_ : actualky, this will definitely surprise you, but. i dont know who it is this time. 

_**elizaluvspuppies**_ : wow. This is a rare occasion. 

_**ActualAngel**_ : yeah. it's not often William Van Ness foesnt know something.

_**Jmadison**_ : do you know what race?

_**BigBrother**_ : I'm black, youre black, Angelica's black, Hercules is black and Eliza's asian.

_**elizaluvspuppies**_ : Chinese.

_**Jmadison**_ : the race of the victim, William.

_**BigBrother**_ : i told hou, I don't know who it is.

_**hunkules**_ : So you REALLY don't know?

_**BigBrother**_ : no.

_**BigBrother**_ : I do know that the shooter is still on the loose. 

_**BigBrother**_ : this is a mass shooting guys. Theres a lot of victoms so i don't know everyone.

_**elizaluvspuppies**_ : get over to mine, Alex and John's apartment as soon as you can 

_**elizaluvspuppies**_ : if anyone sees this and is outside. 

_**elizaluvspuppies**_ : its a safe spot 

_**hunkules**_ : kk. on my way.

* * *

"Van Ness doesn't know who it is." Eliza said. 

"So William's alive?" Jefferson asked.

"Yeah." James confirmed. "So is Hercules Mulligan." 

"A mass shooting and the shooter's still active, apparently." Angelica said. 

"I invited anyone who is outside over here. Eliza said. "A gathering place from the shooter." 

"This is horrible." Jefferson said. He was playing with his phone.

"I-I actually agree with you." James said.

"Wait! Hang on! Shh!" Jefferson said loudly. "Hello?"

"Thomas?" Sally's voice. Jefferson had the phone on speakerphone. "You're okay? I can't get through to anyone-"

"Hey, Sally!" Eliza said with a wave, even though Sally couldn't see it. "Elizabeth Schuyler here, we're safe! Where are you?"

" _Eliza! Oh my god_!" Relief was evident in Sally's voice. " _I'm just off campus, cops herded me away-wait, who's we? You and Thomas or?_ "

"I'm here too, Sally." James said. "Angelica, Maria, Kitty and Alex are here with us."

" _I can't get through to Hercules_." Sally said. 

"Hercules is fine." Eliza said. "He's on his way to our apartment." 

" _Do you mind if I come over too_?" Sally asked. " _It's just I want to see Hercules for myself and apologise._ " 

"For what?" Jefferson asked. 

" _Nothing. We just argued-I don't see how that's your business, Thomas_." 

"You're more than welcome to come over, Sally." Eliza said. "Our apartment's kind of being used as a gathering place."

" _Who haven't you heard from_?" Sally asked. " _You're the only people **I've** heard from_." 

"We haven't heard from Nathaniel, Laurens, Jay, Aaron, Theo, Lafayette, Ned, Martha and Dolley." Eliza said.

" _That's most of us_." Sally said. 

"I know." Eliza, Jefferson and James chorused. 

" _I'm on my way_." Sally said. With that, the line went dead. 

"Alright." Eliza said. "Time to make a list of who we've heard from." 

"On it." Maria said. She grabbed Alex's notebook and a pen and began writing. "So in this apartment, there's me, Eliza, Jefferson, James, Angelica, Kitty and Alex." She listed. "We've heard from William Van Ness, Hercules Mulligan and Sally Hemings. Anyone else?" 

"I haven't been able to get hold of Aaron." James said. "Or anyone else. 

"Have you tried checking the news?" Alex asked. He went over to the coffee table, picked up the remote and turned on the TV. 

"Jefferson, you _really_ should have thought of that." Eliza said. 

"Alex, have you got hold of anyone?" Maria asked. 

"Yeah. I was able to get in touch with _a friend_." Alex said, flicking through the channels. "He's okay. He's off campus and was off campus when it happened. He advised me to check the news too. Here we are." 

"Well, I'm not seeing anything." Kitty said. 

"Maybe journalists haven't got the news yet." Eliza suggested. 

" _Guaranteed_ if something's on Twitter, they've heard about it." Alex said. 

"Yeah." Jefferson agreed. "You only have to see how they react to Trump to know _that_." 

* * *

Around five minutes later, Hercules arrived, looking rather shaken up. 

"Hercules." Eliza said. "Are you okay?" 

Hercules pushed his way past Eliza and wandered into the apartment. 

Eliza shut the door after him.

"Herc?" Alex asked. "You alright?" 

"What's happened?" Angelica asked. 

"It's Laf." Hercules said quietly. "They've been shot." 

Eliza's eyes went wide as she clapped her hand to her mouth. 

"No!" Alex exclaimed. 

"Oh my god." Angelica muttered.

"Professor Washington and Professor Washington will be so upset." Maria said. 

"How do you know?" Alex asked. "How do you know?" 

"I saw them." Hercules said. "I-I saw..." 

"Who did it?" Eliza asked. 

"Some random guy." Hercules shook his head. "I don't even know who it was. But I heard Theo's ex was shot too." 

"The British guy?" Angelica asked. 

"I thought he was Swiss." Maria said.

"Well, he's an Anglophile anyway." Angelica said. "Well, he's dead now." 

"Do you know if anyone else was shot?" James asked. 

"Nathan." Hercules said. "You know, that quiet kid who wasn't up to much. Few others too. I don't know who." 

"Jesus." Alex shook his head. "This is so wrong. Things like this don't happen _here_." 

"Says _you_ who was shot and paralysed here last year." Jefferson pointed out. 

"What are you implying?" Alex asked angrily. "My fucking friend just died! Show some respect!" 

"It _does_ sound like you're implying something, Jefferson." Maria agreed. "Like Aaron Burr did it or something." 

"Aaron didn't do it." Hercules said. 

"How do you know?" Jefferson asked. 

"Because he's holed up in his apartment with baby Theodosia." Hercules replied. "He can't get in touch with Theo and he's really worried."

"Oh god. I would be too." Eliza said, rubbing her stomach. She sat down and began crying 

Another knock at the door. This time Maria went to answer. 

Sally was standing in the doorway and burst in to hug Hercules. "I'm so sorry." 

"No, _I'm_ sorry." Hercules said. He pulled her in tighter. "I'm really sorry." 

"I don't want to argue again." Sally said, muffled in his shoulder. 

"Shh. I know. I know." Hercules stroked her hair. 

"Aaron's so worried." Sally said. "He just text me-Theo's missing." 

"Aaron's texted you?" Alex asked. He pulled out his phone and brought up Aaron's name in his contacts. 

**To: Burr, Sir**

**Aaron, you alright?**

**From: Burr, Sir**

**A few people been shot. Theo's missing.**

**Me and baby theodosia safe.**

**To: Burr, Sir**

**Good stay where you are**

**From: Burr, Sir**

**Alex, Im not an idiot.**

"Guys. Aaron's okay." Alex said. "And I'm pretty sure America's the only country where this shooty kind of shit is normal." 

Eliza, who had been comforted by Angelica during her crying, spoke up. "Theo?" 

"Missing." Alex said. 

"I hope she's okay." Angelica said. "She's just had a baby." 

Another knock at the door. 

"I'll get it." Alex said. He wheeled himself over to the door and opened it to find an expressionless Theo standing in front of him. "Theo's okay!" He shouted. 

"How do you-" Kitty began.

"She's standing in front of me." Alex said. "Come in." He moved to the side to let Theo inside and then closed the door after her. 

"I lost my keys and my phone and Aaron wasn't at home and-" 

"Hey, Theo, relax, it's okay." Angelica said. "You're okay."

"Aaron's _missing_!" 

"Aaron's _not_ missing." Alex said. "Call him on my phone." He offered her his phone. 

Theo looked down at the phone before taking it. "Thank you." She whispered. 

"Go on. You can use the bedroom and ignore the medical stuff." Alex said. 

Theo raised an eyebrow. "Medical stuff?" 

"Theo. I'm a paraplegic. There's lots of gross shit that comes along with that." Alex explained. "Catheters. Enemas-"

"Gross." 

" _You_ try being paralysed." 

"I've got MS." 

"Point taken." Alex sighed. "Just don't touch my medical stuff." 

"Got it." Theo said. She opened the door to the bedroom and disappeared inside. 

"Right." Maria began. "We still haven't heard from Dolley, Ned, Nathaniel, Martha and either John." 

"We haven't heard from Lafayette either." James said. 

"Lafayette is dead." Jefferson sighed. "We won't be hearing from them again." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey.  
> Let's get to the notes.  
> Ben is named for Benjamin Tallmadge. Just as Nathan is named for Nathan Hale. Both were spies during the Revolution. Just one happened to be better than the other.  
> 21 Jump Street, I'm sure everyone knows, so I'm not even going to bother explaining that joke.  
> Alex's friend, I'm sure we all can at least guess who it is.  
> Of course Aaron would be listed as Burr, Sir in Alex's contacts.  
> Us non-Americans do think that about America. Gun violence is really abnormal here in the UK. The last mass shooting here was in 2010 and before that, 1996 and before that, 1987. And before that, 1842. Yeah. Like I said, abnormal. Bombings, however, totally normal. Thanks IRA.  
> Yep. Being a paraplegic is that gross.  
> So... Not much else I can say, is there? There will be a part three. Just wait for it.


	5. Who Tells Your Story?

"Where is my son?!" George shouted. He was in a complete state of blind panic. The last he'd heard was that Lafayette had been shot. Lafayette was his child. His adopted child. And images flashed in his head of Alex, little over a year ago. Bleeding out on the floor and struggling to breathe. He didn't want the same for his child. He hoped it wasn't the same.

"I'm sorry, Sir, I don't know-who are you looking for?" The receptionist asked.

"Um..." In that moment, George felt like a horrible parent. He had forgotten Lafayette's incredibly long name.

"Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette Washington." Martha said.

"Oh shit the French kid with a million names." The receptionist mumbled. "He's in the ER now. Make your way there and someone will be able to assist you."

"They." Martha corrected. "Our Lafayette is... Non-binary."

"Right." The receptionist nodded. " _They're_ in the ER."

"George, try not to worry." Martha said as the two hurried across to the ER.

"You didn't see Alexander Hamilton last year." George said. "It was awful, Martha. Within a split second, Burr had fired the pistol and screamed out 'wait' in the most pained voice I've ever heard. And just like that, Hamilton got thrown to the ground, bleeding profusely from his side." He paused. "I don't think I could forgive myself if it was Lafayette. I love them so much."

"I know you do, George." Martha said. "And I know Alex's shooting was traumatic for you. Lafayette, I'm sure... is okay."

They carried on the rest of their walk in silence.

It was Martha who approached the reception desk at the ER.

"We, uh, we were told Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette Washington was brought into this department." She explained. "We're their parents."

"Right. Yes. Mr Washington is indeed in the Emergency Department." The receptionist confirmed. She looked in her notes. "I believe the paramedics took them to bay three."

"Thank you." Martha said. "Thank you so much."

George bit his lip as he and Martha looked frantically for bay three. He ripped a small chunk of skin from the inside of his lip and was tasting blood, but he didn't care or notice. All he wanted was to see his child.

"Heeeeeeyyyyyyy!" Lafayette squealed when they saw George and Martha. "Iz Porfess George Washington! And Prrrrfffffffzr Maaaa Washing window."

George resisted the urge to laugh, but his child was okay. Was going to be okay.

Lafayette was propped up on a hospital trolley, with two IVs sticking from their arm, one at the hand and another at the elbow. Neither were a blood bag. Lafayette's jeans were blood-soaked and their left leg was bandaged up and supported in a splint. Their eyelids were droopy and they had a goofy smile on their face.

"Lafayette." George took Lafayette's free hand. "I was so worried."

"He really was, darling." Martha said, chuckling in relief.

"I wuzzzz shot!"

"Yes, darling, we know." Martha said.

"I okay. Imma go... happy."

George quickly examined the IV bags. "I think they're just high from morphine, Martha."

"I'd rather have Lafayette high from morphine than have Lafayette dead." Martha said.

"And it should go without saying, but I do too." George said.

"I know." Martha nodded. "It's been months since I last saw Lafayette smile. Now it's breaking my heart because it's not authentic."

"I know." George said. "I know. But they're alive with only a gunshot wound to the leg, I assume."

"I'd rather a gunshot wound to the leg than the head, but _ideally_ , no gunshot wound at all." Martha said. She sat down on the end of the trolley, the side of Lafayette's good leg.

"I aliiive! I aliiiiive!" Lafayette laughed.

It was then that George noticed that Lafayette did not have the usual French accent. It sounded more American than French. Though it was probably because of the slurring. Lafayette's accent wasn't as thick as when they'd first adopted them. And sometimes they still dropped into the French language. Maybe it was just an effect from that.

Lafayette randomly started giggling and grabbing at the air with their free hand.

A doctor walked into the bay and closed the curtain around the bed. "Right. This is-Professor Washington, Ma'am."

"Jesse?" Martha asked. "Is that you?"

"Yeah, I'm a doctor now." He said. "Dr Reilly. I didn't know you had a son. But I'll be treating him."

"Lafayette identifies as non-binary. They use gender neutral pronouns." Martha explained.

"Okay. Noted." Dr Reilly said. He picked up Lafayette's chart. " _Hoo_. I see they have them on the good stuff."

"Is that bad?" George asked.

"Well... they aren't feeling anything, _clearly_." Dr Reilly said. "Right. Well, the bullet went through their thigh-entry wound at the back, exit wound at the front. They were lucky that it missed major arteries and veins. But there is some internal damage that has been caused by the bullet, so we think it best to operate." He explained. "Sooner, rather than later."

"Will they survive?" George asked.

"It's not expected to be a complicated procedure."

"You didn't answer the question." Martha noted.

"I'll bring the consent forms through now." Dr Reilly opened the curtain once again and left.

* * *

"Alex," Theo began, "what does 'g'wan' mean?"

"Going on." Alex replied casually.

"Right." She nodded. "And what does 'pikni' mean?"

"Kids." Alex replied.

"You use the word 'does' a lot." Theo said.

"Have you been looking at my texts?" Alex asked.

"I'm looking at them." Theo said.

"Okay. Great invasion of my privacy." Alex put his hand out for Theo to give his phone back.

Theo dropped Alex's phone in his open hand.

"But if you _must_ know, it's just Caribbean Creole."

"I thought that was a people." Eliza said.

"It's a language too." Alex said. "And Theo, 'does' means 'do'."

"I didn't know that." Theo said.

"Guy's from the Caribbean. He says ' _Aylan_ ' instead of ' _island_ ' so he has the fucking accent-which he _has_ been mocked for-and you don't think he would speak like _everyone else_ in the Caribbean?" Angelica pointed out.

"I just didn't expect him to text it." Theo said. "I didn't expect it to be like... _a language_. I thought it was just they couldn't speak English properly because they were poor, you know?"

"Theo, I'm surprised at you!" Alex exclaimed. "I find that racist."

"Well, I'm sorry. I was only asking." Theo said.

"Well, it's a touchy subject." Alex said. "No, not all Caribbean people are illiterate. What are you trying to say? All Caribbean people are uneducated? Huh?"

"I'm sorry. I guess that _was_ a little racist." Theo conceded.

"I should say so." Alex folded his arms. "I'll have you know that St Kitts and Nevis-where I was born and spent my childhood-has literacy rates of _ninety eight percent_. That is a lot higher than the US, which is only _eighty six percent_. That's thirty two million adults in the US who can't read."

"Holy shit, really?" Jefferson shook his head. "Goddamn."

"I thought-"

"Poor doesn't automatically mean uneducated." Alex said. "Cuba, Latvia, Russia, Kazakhstan, Poland, Uzbekistan-they rate among the highest literate countries in the world. And they aren't exactly known for being rich."

"So, Theo, how did you lose your phone and keys?" Maria asked, trying to change the subject.

"Running from the shooter." Theo replied. "I saw who it was. I know who did it."

"Who was it?" James asked eagerly.

Theo didn't reply.

"Theo?" Eliza asked.

Theo put her head in her hands and began to sob.

"Hey, it's okay." Angelica put her hand on Theo's shoulder.

"Someone's dead." Theo said between sobs.

"It's Lafayette." Alex said.

"No. Lafayette's alive." Hercules said.

"I thought you said they were killed?!" Alex said.

"No, I said they were _shot_." Hercules said. "Shot in the leg."

"So they're alive." Alex said.

"Last I checked." Hercules said. "They were bleeding a lot and paramedics took them away. But they were conscious."

"What about Theo's ex?" Eliza asked.

"Mark Prevost. He's alive too, I think." Hercules said. "Same with Nathan."

"Who died then?" Jefferson asked.

"I don't know." Hercules admitted. "I don't know if anyone died."

"Maria, can you turn the news up?" Alex asked.

"On it." Maria grabbed the remote from the coffee table in front of her and turned the TV up.

Over in Aaron's apartment, Aaron was in the bedroom, trying to soothe his irritable baby. The pounding at the front door didn't help.

With Theodosia in his arm, Aaron stood up and went to answer it.

"Burr."

"Van Ness."

"Just thought I'd let you know that it's safe to come out of your hiding spot now." William said. "It's over. Cops got the guy. Three injured, one dead was the last report."

"That doesn't sound like a mass shooting to me." Aaron said.

"Because it's not." William said. "A mass shooting is defined-by the FBI-as four or more people-may or may not include the shooter-killed in the same period with no cooling off point."

"How do you know this?" Aaron asked.

"Aaron, buddy. I do law. I'm _supposed_ to know this stuff." William said. "It could also be defined as four or more people injured, but not necessarily killed."

"So it _is_ a mass shooting?" Aaron asked.

William hummed. "I'd be more tempted to label it a shooting." He said. "Since three people are alive. Four if you include the shooter."

"You know things, right?" Aaron asked. "Do you know who was shot?"

"Lafayette was shot in the leg. I know that for certain. They are conscious and stable. Don't worry about them." William began. "Let's see... Nathan. That little mousy kid who's studying communications. He was shot and is in a pretty bad way. But he's conscious and still alive. And of course, Mark. He is doing okay as well. Not as badly injured as Nathan. But he didn't get off as lightly as Lafayette."

"Who was killed? Do you know who was killed?" Aaron asked.

William went quiet and then slowly nodded.

"Who is it?" Aaron asked.

"It's someone you know." William said quietly. "It's someone you know quite well."

As William told Aaron what he knew, Aaron almost gripped his fingertips into Theodosia. He didn't want to let his baby girl go for anything.

"Then... who was the shooter?" Aaron asked.

"You _really_ should know this one by now." William said. "He shot your dog."

"Oh. My god." Aaron let out a shaky breath. "This... this can't be happening. What the _actual_ fuck?"

"Everyone's gathering at Alex's apartment. Maybe you should come too." William suggested.

"Yeah." Aaron nodded. "I'll get Theodosia's things packed and we'll go."

* * *

Around twenty minutes later, they arrived at Alex's apartment, having bumped into Nathaniel on the way. As they were headed to the same place, they went together.

"Hey Alex." Nathaniel greeted. "Let us in?"

"Sure." Alex opened the door and wheeled himself toward the coffee table where Maria was still keeping track of the friends.

William, Nathaniel and Aaron walked in, with Aaron closing the door after him.

"Aaron!" Theo's voice was shaking as she rushed over to him.

"Theo! Oh my god!"

"I was so worried-"

"Me too!"

That was when Theo noticed baby Theodosia in the baby sling, strapped to Aaron's chest.

"My baby." She stroked Theodosia's head gently. "Is she...?"

"She's fine." Aaron said. He carefully took Theodosia from the baby sling and handed her to Theo.

"Hey, baby." Theo cooed. "Baby, did you miss Mommy? I know you did."

"Alex." Aaron began. "You should um... sit down for this."

Alex looked incredulously at Aaron and gestured at his wheelchair.

"Okay. Point taken." Aaron cleared his throat. "You're not going to like what I'm going to say."

"... Okay."

"Alex," Aaron said gently, "John's been killed."

Murmurs spread around the room and Maria began to do a head count.

"What?" Alex chuckled. "No. No he hasn't."

"Laurens is the only one who isn't here." Maria said. "And Laf."

"Hercules said Laf had died earlier and then he said Laf is alive-"

"Alex, I never said Laf had _died_. I said Laf had been _shot_." Hercules said.

"Yeah, but John-John _can't_ be dead." Alex said.

"Alex, I know you don't want to hear this, but-"

"No. No." Alex shook his head vigorously. "Until I get called to identify the body, I don't believe it."

"Fine. Have it your way, Alex." Aaron sighed and sat down on the floor, next to the chair Theo was sitting in with their daughter.

Hercules, Sally and Martha were fussing over Angelica the puppy.

Angelica and Maria were going over the list Maria had written earlier.

James was reading a book on Benjamin Franklin-Franklin A Life which was the one that had been written by Ron Chernow.

Jefferson, Kitty, Nathaniel, William and John Jay were on their phones, presumably texting their loved ones, telling them they were safe.

Ned was in the corner, poring over medical books and painstakingly taking notes.

And Eliza was sitting on the couch next to Dolley as she stroked her stomach. Her pregnancy bump was beginning to show.

Nobody said anything to anyone-even Angelica the dog. They were all processing the news in their own way. Aaron might be lying. Aaron might be mistaken. Aaron might be right.

It was this way for around half an hour. In that time, they received confirmation that yes, Lafayette was indeed okay and was going to have surgery on their leg.

Eliza received a phone call and stood up from the couch and went to take it in the bedroom.

"Should I put the news on?" Maria asked.

"No. Best to just leave it." Hercules said.

"Does anyone mind if I breastfeed?" Theo asked.

"Nah, go ahead." Hercules said.

"I don't personally care." Jefferson said.

"Breast is best." Ned said, rather robotically.

"Great." Theo muttered as she unbuttoned her blouse. She unclipped her bra flap and gently lifted her daughter to her nipple.

James raised an eyebrow. "I can honestly say that I've never seen breastfeeding before."

"It's just Theo Senior feeding Theo Junior." Dolley said. "It's nothing really special, James."

"Actually," Aaron began, "we-we don't call her Theo Junior. It's just Theodosia."

"That's a mouthful." Dolley said. "Especially for a baby. But it's your choice." She shrugged.

"Good girl." Theo muttered. "Good girl."

Eliza walked out of the bedroom looking shell-shocked.

Hercules stood up and walked over to her "Eliza, are you okay?"

Eliza said nothing. She only shrugged. Then shook her head.

"What happened?" Hercules asked.

Sally stood up. "Eliza?"

"That was Dad." Eliza said.

"What did he say?" Angelica asked.

"He was called to... identify a body. It's true." Eliza said. "Aaron was right. John's dead."

Alex's shoulders dropped and his breathing went shaky.

"Alexander, are you alright?" Eliza asked gently.

Alex shook his head softly and turned away from Eliza. "I have so much work to do." He sounded like he was desperately trying not to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh. Angsty angsty angst angst.  
> George called Lafayette his son because he was distressed and couldn't think of a gender neutral term in the moment.  
> Lafayette was shot in the leg because historical Lafayette was shot in the leg. He carried on his command, took two months out to recover and went right back to command. What a badass.  
> Lafayette is me on morphine. As some of you know, I had to have an operation last year. That is what I was like coming out of it. Looking back, it is completely hilarious. I wish someone had filmed it.  
> Dr Reilly was the dude who did my operation. Jesse is a name made up for the character though. It makes sense that Martha, as a professor, would have former students and would bump into them. Dr Reilly being one of them.  
> 'G'wan', 'pikni' and 'does' are actual St Kitts Creole terms. I've never actually acknowledged this before, but growing up in the Caribbean, Alex would know the Caribbean Creole language and would speak it-or text it-with Ned. Historical Alexander Hamilton might well have spoken it too. It became widespread in the 1600s and Hamilton wasn't born until 1755 (or 1757) so it's quite possible he did.  
> Alex also has the accent too, he just tries to hide it. But it comes out when he's stressed, sad, excited, tired, drunk, high and when he can't consciously control it.  
> Avenue Q shout out.  
> Alex is right. St Kitts and Nevis has a literacy rate of 98%. The UK has a literacy rate of 99% and the US only has a literacy rate of 86%. 32 million American adults can't read. That makes me sad, all the things they're missing out on. Like Harry Potter, Fire and Fury and this wonderful fanfic-all wonderful fanfics.  
> If you were curious about the other countries Alex listed, Cuba's literacy rate is 99.8% along with Latvia. Russia, Poland and Kazakhstan sit at 99.7% and Uzbekistan is 99.4%. Only six countries have 100% literacy rates and one of them is Norway.  
> Theodosia's first husband was a Swiss dude called Jacques Marcus Prevost, Mark for short. He fought for the British and they had five kids. I kinda just bypassed that. Oops.  
> Yes. William is right. The FBI do define a mass shooting as being 'four or more people killed-sometimes including if the shooter is killed-in the same period with no cooling off period.'  
> Imagine Aaron Burr wearing a baby sling. Just let that soak in a second. There we go. That's it.  
> Franklin A Life is this world's Washington A Life. Written by Ron Chernow.  
> Shout out to the Laurens Interlude (Tomorrow There'll Be More of Us).  
> John is dead. And since John is not Jean Grey, he will not be coming back. But that doesn't mean his story's over.


	6. Push Away the Unimaginable

Eliza left the apartment and walked down the hall to the elevator. She didn't want to leave. She just had to go back to her lectures. If she had her way, she would be grieving John. It had only been eight days since he had been murdered. There still hadn't even been a funeral-though that was mainly down to Henry Laurens. Lafayette had been discharged from hospital in this time. Alex had foregone social interaction in favour of writing more essays. So Eliza had been the one to hold what was left of the family together. 

Eliza would be lying if she said she didn't love John. She loved him like a brother. Stronger than that even. She didn't know what kind of love it was, but it was love. 

When the elevator pinged and the doors opened, she walked inside. 

"Hold the doors!" It was Kitty. She ran to the elevator and jumped in, just as the doors were closing-causing the doors to open again. 

Eliza looked Kitty up and down. "You look like hell." 

"Thanks. I _feel_ it." She said. "I think I've got that flu that's going around." 

"Well _don't_ pass it to _me_ , I'm _pregnant_." Eliza said coolly. 

"I feel like crap, Eliza. I feel tired, my head hurts, I feel hot and cold and my throat is all swollen-and so are my glands on my neck and in my armpits." 

"You might not have the flu." Eliza said. "You might have mono. Have you been kissing anyone recently?" 

Kitty frowned slightly as she thought. She had kissed a lot of people at the New Year's Party. "Well, there was the New Year's Party." She said. "But that was almost three weeks ago now."

"Well, coughs and sneezes and all that." The doors opened again. 

"Someone coughed on me?" Kitty asked as Eliza stepped out. 

"Well, the subway _is_ gross." Eliza said. 

"True." Kitty agreed. 

"Oh. Have you had any unprotected sex lately?" 

"New Year's." Kitty sighed. "Why?" 

"You might want to get yourself tested for syphilis." Eliza said. "That also has the symptoms you described." 

"I didn't think I could get an STI." Kitty said.

"Well, if you had unprotected sex, what did you _think_ would happen?" Eliza asked.

* * *

"Hercules, you don't need to follow me everywhere like a little dog." Sally said. 

"Are you kidding? Alex nearly died, Laf's been shot and John was killed." Hercules pointed out. 

Sally stopped walking. "It still sounds weird when you say that." She said. "It doesn't seem real."

"I know what you mean." Hercules said. "I'd give anything if I could just have John back with us. He should be here now-rescuing turtles, making art, protesting..." He sighed. "I miss John." 

"I miss John too." Sally admitted. 

"Senator Schuyler is going to try and get gun control through Congress again. God knows how far he'll get. This _is_ Trump's America." 

"Good luck to him." Sally muttered. 

"John. I always imagined him getting killed in a car accident or being beaten to death by white supremacists after antagonising them."

"That's not a good way to die." 

"No." Hercules agreed. "But it's the way John would have wanted to go. Antagonising white supremacists. Now he'll never get to do that again." His voice cracked. He took a deep breath and feeling the prickling of tears in his eyes, screwed them shut. He didn't want to cry. Not out in public. Not out in the quad. Not where other students would see him.

Sally put her hand on Hercules' shoulder. "John was a good guy." She said. "Really reckless. Nearly always injured somehow. But he was so selfless and just an all around good guy." 

Hercules laughed through his tears. "He was _so_ reckless." He wiped his eyes. "I'm betting everyone here has a story about his recklessness." 

"I remember that time he got into that fistfight with Charles Lee." Sally said. "He must have been so scared." 

"Charles Lee?" Hercules asked. "He was shitting bricks." He wiped his eyes again. "Why did it have to be John? He was barely old enough to drink. He had a daughter that he was going to meet." 

"And I've never seen Alex so quiet." Sally said. "He was _such_ a talker and now he hardly says anything." 

"I'd rather talk about John. I don't want him forgotten." Hercules said. "But Alex has seen so much death and destruction in his short life... this is the guy who once said 'I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory'. I think he has survivors guilt. Especially since he survived being shot and John didn't." 

"Alex didn't smash his skull and neck on a curb when he fell, like John did." Sally said. "Pretty sure a broken neck and fractured skull contributed to John's death." 

"I can't bring myself to think about that." Hercules muttered. "Let's just get to class." He said and they started walking again.

* * *

Eliza made it home that evening to see that Alex was already out. 

Angelica the puppy bounded over to her and jumped up at her, demanding attention and food. 

Eliza simply sighed and went to feed her. 

It was so typical of Alexander to hide his grief. He was hurting . There was probably nobody else on Earth who felt more grief at John Laurens' death than Alexander Hamilton. But he wouldn't acknowledge it. 

Only one thought crossed Eliza's mind-she was pregnant with Alex's baby. He'd better not do anything stupid. 

* * *

The next morning, Alex still hadn't come home. When Eliza looked outside, the apartment, she saw Kitty scurrying away down the stairs. She probably didn't know where Alex was. 

Eliza was in two minds to call the police because of his medical issues-he hadn't brought his medication with him either. But she decided against it, fed her dog and was out by half nine to get to her ten o'clock English lecture. Which Theo wasn't at. 

* * *

"Aaron... can you get the baby?" Theo asked. 

"Why can't you?" Aaron asked, shouting from the bathroom. 

Theo tried to push herself up off her side, but she couldn't manage. Then there was the fact that she couldn't see anything in her right eye anyway. Everything else looked jumpy and the room was spinning and it was just horrible.

"I can't." She said. 

Aaron walked out of the bathroom. "What do you mean you can't?" He saw her still lying in bed and immediately rushed to her side. "Are you okay?" 

"No." She said, fighting the urge to shake her head. "Relapse. You have to care for baby." 

"Oh god. I'll call an ambulance." Aaron said. 

"No." Theo said. "Call an Uber." 

"Why-"

"Ambulances are fuckin' expensive." 

"I don't care, this is a medical emergency, it's-"

"Aaron, baby. Now." 

Aaron lifted his head and it quickly hit him that Theodosia was still crying. He went over to her crib and gently lifted her up. 

"I don't know what's wrong with her." Aaron said. 

"Changing." Theo said. 

"Oh. Right. But she doesn't smell poopy-"

"Wet." 

"Of course." Aaron said. "Let's get you changed then, baby girl." He carried her to the other side of the room, by the bathroom, where the baby changing table was. 

Their baby changing table wasn't fancy. In fact, it was just plastic. And quite cheap. But it passed safety tests and got the job done. 

Aaron laid her down and unbuttoned her baby romper. 

"Aaron!" 

"I know how to change my baby." Aaron said, looking for the baby wipes. 

"Stop her crying. Please." Theo begged. 

"I'm doing my best." Aaron said. "Are you _sure_ you don't want me to call an ambulance?" 

"No. An Uber." Theo insisted. 

"Fine. I'll change Theodosia and call you an Uber." 

* * *

Sometime in class, Eliza got a text from Aaron. 

**From: Aaron**

**Theo's sick so I'm taking her to hospital**

**From: Aaron**

**Can you babysit Theodosia?**

**From: Aaron**

**Meet me at the hospital-you know the one.**

It irked Eliza because she hadn't actually said yes. But if Theo was really that ill... she had the flu jab, right? She had MS, she had to have the flu jab.

Eliza made her way to the hospital. And when she was at the hospital, she was sure she saw Kitty there. She looked really sick. Maybe she was seeking medical attention for _her_ flu. 

"Eliza. I'm glad you're here." Aaron said. He was holding his daughter in his arms. 

"Aaron. What happened? Is Theo okay?" Eliza asked. 

"She's having a relapse." 

Eliza raised an eyebrow. "A... relapse?" 

"She has Relapse Remitting MS." Aaron explained. "Most of the time, she's okay, as long as she takes her steroids. But she hasn't taken them in a year because she's been pregnant and breastfeeding. So she's had a relapse. And her symptoms are worse than usual."

"I assumed MS was like, a progressive thing. Like ALS." Eliza said. 

"Sometimes it is." Aaron said. 

"So what's going to happen to her?" 

"She hasn't been admitted yet. But we need you to look after Theodosia for a bit." 

"Aaron, I can't-"

"I know, it's not a good time with John and all that, but-

"Aaron. No. I can't." Eliza shook her head. "Unless Theo's dying, I can't. Alex would never let me."

"Alex doesn't rule you." Aaron said. "Well, he shouldn't." 

"He doesn't." Eliza said. "But I haven't seen him in a day. And I'm pregnant. And we've just lost John. And we've got a puppy." 

"Hold on, Eliza, you haven't seen Alex in a day?" Aaron asked. "And you haven't called the cops?" 

"It's not important." Eliza said. 

"Yes it is." Aaron said. "He's disabled." 

"He wouldn't do anything stupid, Alex. I'm pregnant." 

"I'm _Aaron_." 

"Yeah. Sorry." Eliza sighed. "Sorry, Aaron." 

"I have to get back to Theo." Aaron said. "Can you watch Theodosia or not?" 

"I shouldn't." Eliza said. "But I will. You owe me one, Aaron." 

"Yes. Thank you." Aaron carefully handed Theodosia to Eliza and took off her baby bag. "I'll just get the baby sling now."

* * *

When Eliza came home from the hospital, Alex was sitting on the couch, casually reading Fire and Fury. 

"I didn't know you had a kid." Alex said. 

"I'm babysitting Theodosia for a few hours. Theo's in hospital." Eliza explained. "Where the _fucking_ hell have you been?!"

"With a friend. It was his birthday yesterday." Alex said.

"You didn't call me." Eliza said. "Look, I know John's death has affected you, but-"

"I'm fine." Alex said emotionlessly. 

Eliza sat down next to him, still carrying Theodosia on her chest. "You are _not_ fine." 

"I'm fine. I got all my essays done." Alex said. "I'm relaxing. Let me relax." 

"Okay." Eliza said. "Fine."

"You know, John was reading this before he died." Alex said. "He was going to get to meet his daughter. He never had the chance to meet her. But I'm fine with that." He turned the page. "Oh look. Donald Trump was fighting with Melania on Inauguration Day and she was on the verge of tears." 

"Alex. Don't change the subject." Eliza said. 

There was a knock on the door and Alex and Eliza exchanged a look as if to say 'are you going to get that?'. 

Eliza sighed and stood up with Theodosia still on her chest in the baby sling. "I'll get it then." She said and walked over to the door. Outside their apartment stood Kitty. 

"Are you okay?" Eliza asked her. 

Kitty was crying and her eyes were puffy and bloodshot. If she looked sick earlier, she looked much worse now. 

"Kitty?" Alex asked, putting down his book. "What's wrong?"

"Come in." Eliza said. She opened the door wider for Kitty to step in. 

Kitty walked in and wiped her eyes with her coat sleeve. 

Eliza closed the door. "Are you going to tell us what's wrong?" 

"I-I... got myself tested." Kitty said. 

"You have syphilis then?" Eliza asked. 

Alex raised an eyebrow "Syphilis?"

"I didn't mean it really. But holy crap, Kitty, I-" 

"I haven't got _Syphilis_." Kitty said. 

"Then why are you crying- _oh_..." Alex's eyes widened in realisation. "Kitty are you _sure_?" 

"I'm _certain_." Kitty said, nodding. "I saw the results, Alex. Oh god. What am I going to _do_?"

Eliza shrugged. "Are you pregnant?" 

"Eliza... Kitty isn't pregnant." Alex said. "Unless you're pregnant _as well_ -" 

Kitty shook her head. "No." 

"Then I'm missing something because I'm totally lost." Eliza said. 

"Eliza..." Kitty inhaled deeply. "I'm HIV positive." 

"Oh shit." Was all Eliza could say. Sure she didn't like Kitty all that much, but she wouldn't wish Kitty dead. _Or_ wish AIDS on her.

"Please don't tell anyone." Kitty begged.

"I-I won't." Eliza said. "My little sister is HIV positive and she has to take like four different drugs." 

"So do I." Kitty said. "I've already started antiretroviral treatment." 

"Kitty, I'm sorry you have to go through this." Alex said. 

"I'm sorry for putting it on you, so soon after John and everything." Kitty said, wiping her eyes again. 

"It's fine." Alex said. It wasn't really fine. He still missed John and expected him to come in through the front door at any second. Except that never happened. It would never happen again.

"After having sex with so many guys and girls, I think I deserve it." Kitty said. "Getting chlamydia should have been my wake up call."  

"Kitty, these things just happen." Alex said. "And I think I know someone who might be able to help."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a filler chapter here.  
> What Kitty described are the symptoms of flu. And mono. And Syphilis. And the beginning stage of HIV. If you get those symptoms after having sex, go get checked out at your local GUM Clinic.  
> Antagonising White Supremacists is a noble way to go. And it perfectly lines up with Historical Laurens, who kinda seemed to have a death wish. And he was nearly always injured in battles. After all, Historical Lafayette did write this about him at one point; "It was not his fault that he was not killed or wounded; he did everything that was necessary to procure one or t’other."  
> Historical John Laurens was shot off his horse in battle, so that could have, you know, injured him as well. This John Laurens was shot, he fell back and hit his head and neck on a curb, the force fracturing them. Which may have factored into his death. I know someone that happened to. Without the gun. They tripped back and hit their head on a curb. They lived, but it wasn't pretty.  
> Historical John Laurens never met his daughter either.  
> Here we get to Theo's first relapse since we meet her. Those are indeed symptoms of MS. It's important to note that everyone experiences it differently. Some people have multiple relapses a year. Some go years without one. I would say that Theo went eighteen months without a relapse, which would put her last one in Summer of 2016.  
> Some people take Ubers to hospital so they don't have to pay for an ambulance. Holy crap, In my country, it's free.  
> Doctors in my country do recommend that those with MS have flu jabs.  
> I like to think that Alex has other friends outside the Hamilsquad, just like in real life Historical Hamilton had friends outside those we see in the musical. like Kitty Livingston.  
> My copy of Fire and Fury arrived today. I hardly put it down. And if you haven't got it, yes, that Melania thing really is in the book.  
> Kitty's in the beginning stages of HIV. See, around two to six weeks after becoming infected with HIV, if you have it, your body will get those flu-like symptoms, which is your body fighting it. After that passes in a week to two weeks, you can go asymptomatic for ten years or more before you develop AIDS-which in this day and age, with all the antiretroviral treatments, isn't a death sentence, unless you live in sub-Saharan Africa. Though it is heavily stigmatised. Like in America and Africa. But no way a lot of the events of Rent would really happen in 2018. Isn't that just so awesome? Medical science has come so far and I think it's brilliant.  
> So Kitty is bisexual and HIV positive. What will happen now? Who does Alex know who's also HIV positive? Which one of Eliza's sisters is also HIV positive?  
> Well, I can tell you that this is the beginning of an arc for Kitty, which will revolve around her dealing with her lifestyle choices, making new friends and coming to terms with her diagnosis.


	7. No Control

It was the day after John's funeral ceremony (the body was going to be buried in South Carolina). John was dead. Eliza was visiting her family. Alex didn't want to sleep in an empty bed, so he had Adult Swim on as he lay on the sofa texting his friends, so he felt less alone.

* * *

 **To: Cloney  
** **Sorry I haven't talked in days**  
**From: Cloney**  
**No, I get it. You lost John. And I'm really sorry to hear that**  
**To: Cloney**  
**George Eacker shot him.**  
**From: Cloney**  
**Holy crap why? I thought he had a restraining order**  
**To: Cloney**  
**He did. Against me not John.**  
**From: Cloney**  
**This is going to put a spanner in the works for his trial.**  
**From: Cloney**  
**V can't do anything about this, it's not her area of expertise and she's got a little human inside her but I'll ask her to talk to her lawyer friends.**  
**To: Cloney**  
**Appreciate that, Lin.**  
**To: Cloney**  
**Wait how's Anthony Ramos?**  
**From: Cloney**  
**I haven't checked. Why?**  
**To: Cloney**  
**Anthony Ramos and John had shocks when they touched**  
**From: Cloney**  
**Shit. Shit. That's right. Shit.**  
**To: Cloney**  
**Stop saying shit.**  
**From: Cloney**  
**If he were dead, I'm sure I would have heard.**  
**To: Cloney**  
**I'm still not sure on the rules.**  
**From: Cloney**  
**Maybe there are no rules.**  
**To: Cloney**  
**You know what I mean.**  
**To: Cloney**  
**Are you still getting harassed because of your wheelchair?**  
**From: Cloney**  
**Yeah. But I love my wheelchair because it's so freeing. It lets me do things that I wouldn't be able to do without it.**  
**To: Cloney**  
**Yeah, I know what you mean. I mean, you can walk and I can't. So I don't know exactly.**  
**From: Cloney**  
**That's right. I can walk. But I still need a chair. The effects were lesser.**  
**To: Cloney**  
**What are you getting at, Lin?**  
**From: Cloney**  
**Alex, what if the effects of death are lesser? What if that's why Anthony didn't die when John did?**  
**To: Cloney**  
**I'm not about to kill myself. What if you die?**  
**From: Cloney**  
**I'm not as paralysed as you are. You can't walk at all, I just can't walk long distances or stand for long periods of time. And I'm getting better. If you were to die, I don't think it would affect me badly.**  
**To: Cloney**  
**You're getting better because you put yourself through gruelling physical therapy.**  
**From: Cloney**  
**Can't deny that.**  
**From: Cloney**  
**Look, is there anything I can do for you?**  
**To: Cloney**  
**Actually there is one thing.**  
**From: Cloney**  
**What is it?**  
**To: Cloney**  
**I know someone who's HIV+**  
**From: Cloney**  
**Right.**  
**To: Cloney**  
**I want tickets to Rent. It's touring right?**  
**From: Cloney**  
**Is that it?**  
**To: Cloney**  
**Yeah.**  
**From: Cloney**  
**I thought you wanted Javi's number or something**  
**To: Cloney**  
**I'm already in touch with him.**  
**To: Cloney:**  
**Have been since we touched and he shocked me.**  
**From: Cloney**  
**You get the shock thing from Javi?!**  
**To: Cloney**  
**Yep. Should I not?**  
**From: Cloney**  
**I don't get shocks from him.**  
**To: Cloney**  
**They're not as strong as the ones I get from you. But I do get them from him**  
**To: Cloney**  
**Maybe that's why my genes are defective**  
**From: Cloney**  
**You're not defective.**  
**To: Cloney**  
**I have a genetic disease. I'd call that defective.**  
**From: Cloney**  
**When they cloned animals, the clones were really defective-Developmental delays, heart defects, immune system issues**  
**From: Cloney**  
**Maybe 99% of my DNA was mixed with 1% of Javi's to prevent those issues. And that made you.**  
**To: Cloney**  
**Seems a bit coincidental, right? You're friends. You played the same role in your musical.**  
**From: Cloney**  
**Musicals. Javi was Usnavi in In the Heights too. But we haven't known each other all our lives. And Javi's older than me. And stranger things have happened.**  
**To: Cloney**  
**Name one.**  
**From: Cloney**  
**Brexit.**  
**From: Cloney**  
**Britain's weird plastic money.**  
**From: Cloney**  
**Donald Trump being a 'stable genius'.**  
**From: Cloney**  
**Everything in that Fire and Fury book**  
**From: Cloney**  
**Britain's hung parliament and everything that followed**  
**From: Cloney**  
**All those sexual harassers getting fired-which is good too. It's great**  
**From: Cloney**  
**That guy who cemented his head in a microwave.**  
**From: Cloney**  
**Seagulls tripping from being drunk**  
**From: Cloney**  
**Stranger Things on Netflix**  
**To: Cloney**  
**Yeah I get it.**  
**To: Cloney**  
**Good night, Lin.**  
**From: Cloney**  
**I'll do what I can about those Rent tickets.**  
**From: Cloney**  
**Good night, Alex.**

* * *

The next morning, Alex had had around two hours of sleep. He had called out for John more than once before remembering that John was dead. Each time, he had cried on remembering that fact. How could anyone hate anyone so much that they'd shoot someone? Yes, Alex had been shot by Aaron, but it was an accident. John was shot and killed on purpose.

Alex had spent the night fully dressed so all he did was transfer into his wheelchair and brush his teeth, feed the dog and he was out the door to his lecture.

"Hey, Alex."

"Hey, Ben."

"You been crying?" Ben asked. "Looks like you've been crying. Seems to be a running theme on your floor."

"No I haven't been-what do you mean?" Alex asked.

"Kitty Livingston." Ben said. "Saw her a few minutes ago. Her eyes were all puffy and red like yours."

"Alright, Ben. I'll see you later." Alex sighed. He opened the door and turned his head away from someone who walked through-he didn't want anyone else seeing he'd been crying. He wheeled himself through the door and carried on with his head down, again, so people didn't see he'd been crying. He looked up every now and then, just to make sure he didn't roll over someone's foot... or their dog. Which had happened once. But it was an accident.

Alex took out his phone, unlocked it and called someone, bringing it to his ear.

" _Alex. You'd better have a good reason for doing this. I'm very busy_."

"I'm lonely."

" _I meant more along the lines of you're dying. Or something like that_."

"Loneliness kills, Lin."

" _I've got jobs. I've got a family. I've got a life. I'm happy to talk to you, Alex, but you can't call me up on my personal phone like this. Not without making sure it's okay_."

" _Is_ it okay?"

" _No. It's not okay. I'm in demand. So I act, write songs, sing songs, give my voice, produce, make appearances, talk about my upcoming projects, my disability-and my wife is pregnant. I have a young son_."

"Can't you just-"

" _I'm not your father, Alex. Look, I'm really, really sorry to hear about John. I truly am. I know what it's like to lose someone. I lost mi Abuela recently too, remember? But because I've been sick in hospital, I'm playing catch-up, so I'm very busy today. I just can't drop what I'm doing_."

"No, I understand." Alex sighed.

" _Ay carajo_." A pause. " _Alex. I care about you. A lot. Or else I wouldn't have stayed up with you last night. It's just a bad time. Besides, shouldn't you be in your International Economics Policy lecture_?"

"Politics of International Economic Relations." Alex corrected. "And yes." He was surprised Lin had remembered.

" _Then you'd better go_."

"I'm on my way."

" _Good. Talk later. Adios_."

Alex sighed and put his phone back in his pocket. That was _always_ the issue. Nobody _ever_ wanted to talk when _he_ wanted to, but he felt he had to be there for everyone else. His boyfriend just died. And not in a good way either-like there is _any_ good way to die, but murder is definitely the worst way. He felt so taken for granted. So... trapped.

John. Why did it have to be John? His John? Why couldn't it have been him instead? If he traded places with John, would anyone notice, or even care?

People cared that he'd been shot before.

Because they witnessed it!

People cared when he left the country and bad things started happening to them.

That was because they cared about themselves. Nobody bothered to ask him how he was.

It wasn't fair. Nothing about this was fair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing really historical related here. I just thought I'd give an insight into Alex's mind after John's death. But the clones plot get moving again.  
> What happens now?  
> Is Anthony Ramos okay? What happened to him after John's death?  
> Who will Alex go to Disney World with now?  
> Will Alex find Peggy? (Spoiler alert, yes he will)  
> How are Alex and Javier Munoz connected?  
> How did Alex once roll over a dog? Whose dog was it?  
> How's Lafayette after they were shot? How are the other victims?  
> Why did George Eacker do this? I can tell you from an author's point that I wanted Eacker to shoot John because of the dual role in Hamilton of John Laurens/Philip Hamilton, which is what the connection is. But the in universe reason? Remains to be seen.  
> As for what's in Alex and Lin's conversation:  
> Okay yeah, developmental delays, heart defects, immune system issues and more are problems clones face. Rarely a healthy clone is made. So what happened with Alex and Lin and why and how is Javi involved?  
> There was a guy who cemented his head inside a microwave. I assume because he's a prick.  
> And just Google 'seagulls trip on acid'. It's a thing that actually happened.  
> I suppose now all I can say is that these questions will be answered.


	8. Kitty Livingston

Name: Catherine 'Kitty' Livingston

Major: Advanced Mathematics-formerly.

Age: 24

DOB: 25/5/1993

From: Elizabeth, New Jersey

Ethnicity: White

Gender: Female

Sexuality: Bisexual

Kitty was born to William Livingston and Susannah French-Livingston, both politicians. Her father is the Governor of New Jersey and her mother is his political advisor. The family is reasonably wealthy. Kitty is the second oldest of eleven siblings and is constantly vying for her parents' attention. Anyone's attention. She feels overlooked, like her life doesn't matter. At first, she worked to prove herself academically and got straight A's. She was also admitted to Columbia University, no easy feat. Especially not to study advanced mathematics.

Once in university, she started out well, but in her second year, began engaging in risky behaviour to get attention; drinking, doing drugs, having unprotected sex, hitting on men, women-anyone. She and Alex Hamilton has a brief fling before she went back to her lifestyle. It was this behaviour that got her expelled from college.

To pay the rent, Kitty took a job as a Starbucks barista. She moved apartments into a smaller one next to Alex Hamilton, John Laurens and Eliza Schuyler. In debt with her college and unable to pay for her heroin, Kitty had to find a new way to make money and briefly became a prostitute. She later became a stripper after she caught Chlamydia. And she keeps that part of her life secret.

Ironically, it was through having unprotected sex with a colleague at Starbucks that got her an STI and she is now HIV positive. She, of course, has yet to tell her parents of her school status, her job status or her HIV status. Her potential, her genius IQ, her ability to solve advanced mathematical equations has all gone tragically unfulfilled and her life has pretty much gone right down the drain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before I get to the next part of the story, I wanted to properly introduce Kitty, who will be playing a big part. And oh boy is her life sad.  
> Let's tackle the historical bits first, shall we?  
> Okay. Kitty was born to William Livingston and Susannah French, who were quite wealthy. William Livingston did serve as the first Governor of New Jersey and was elected every year until he died. He wasn't that well liked, but it happened.  
> Kitty was actually the fourth oldest of thirteen siblings, but the two oldest didn't survive past their first year. I wrote them out. I don't need to be killing off any more babies. Kitty's youngest sister Elizabeth actually died between the ages of one and two. I included her because... I did.  
> Kitty was not born in Elizabeth, New Jersey (then called Elizabethtown). She was born in New York City. But her father's the governor of New Jersey, so she had to be from there. Her family moved to Elizabethtown when she was a young teen. Here she was just born and lived there.  
> Kitty probably did have a fling with Alexander Hamilton. He wrote some steamy poems to her. And she was way older than him by either four years or six years.  
> Now onto everything else.  
> I wanted Kitty to have studied mathematics because someone had to do STEM. Originally, she was studying Drama and I was like, no that won't do. So I changed it to mathematics.  
> Doing drugs, being promiscuous, not using protection and underage drinking will get you expelled from college. It's also classic attention seeking behaviour.  
> Starbucks barista is one of the saddest jobs I could think of next to Walmart shelf stocker for someone as bright as Kitty to have fallen so low. Since I don't know whether there are Walmarts in NYC and I'm too lazy to Google it, I made her a Starbucks barista.  
> She is a former prostitute, now a stripper. She is a sex worker and most of her friends are also sex workers.  
> Yes she is a heroin addict.  
> And she hasn't told her parents anything. Now that's truly sad.


	9. The Challenges We're Facing

After his lecture, Alex was sitting at the table in the coffee shop. Waiting for someone to arrive. Well not just someone. He didn't want to be doing this, especially not so soon after John's passing. But he felt he had to do this. Though he didn't know that much about her, Kitty was his neighbour. They'd had a fling. Yes, he was with Eliza and John now-no, not John. John was dead. He died of a gunshot wound, a fractured skull and a broken neck. Eacker killed him. He was dead.

Just like that, he felt that punch in the gut feeling again. He still loved John and missed him dearly.

Alex took out his phone, unlocked it and sent a text. 

Less than a minute later, he had a reply.

**Wha' g'wan? Wha' mek yuh be does dis? I busy busy.**

Alex typed out a reply.

**Drop the informalities, Ned. Got a minute?**

The two began to converse in text messages.

**From: Nedicine**

**Not really. I'm actually swamped. Text me if you've got something I can cure for extra credit.**

**To: Nedicine**

**A broken heart**

**From: Nedicine**

**I know you loved John, but you'll live.**

**To: Nedicine**

**Now I can make believe he's here.**

**From: Nedicine**

**Don't be maudlin Alex**

**To: Nedicine**

**I feel like I'm dying**

**From: Nedicine**

**I assure you, you're not**

**To: Nedicine**

**I'm dying of a broken heart. And paralysed legs.**

**From: Nedicine**

**You don't die of that these days. It's 2018. You die of complications like autonomic dysreflexia or pneumonia**

**To: Nedicine**

**I'm dying.**

**From: Nedicine**

**I'm in an important lecture now. Trust me when I say you're fine.**

**To: Nedicine**

**No.**

**From: Nedicine**

**Well, you'll have to wait.**

**To: Nedicine**

**You're not even going to check I'm okay?**

**From: Nedicine**

**You're texting me now, I know you're fine.**

**From: Nedicine**

**We are not family. I am your friend. I'm not skipping my lecture to see you. I really want to be a doctor.**

**To: Nedicine**

**I get it**

**From: Nedicine**

**You're my oldest friend. I do care. I'll meet you after my lecture.**

**To: Nedicine**

**kk**

**From: Nedicine**

**Cool. I'll meet you in Starbucks later.**

"Hamilton?"

Alex looked up to see the person that he'd been waiting for. A young Spanish woman who was also studying political science. "Vi." He greeted. "Hey."

"Are you sure you want to do this, ay?" She asked. "You lost your boyfriend and-"

"Don't remind me." Alex said. "Yes, Vi. I should do this. It's not for me anyway."

"You mind telling me what's going on then?"

"I was wondering if you could get in touch with your brother for me." Alex said.

Vi raised an eyebrow. "I... why? Carlos is a jerk."

"You forget sometimes _I'm_ a jerk." Alex said.

"But still, Alex, why Carlos?" Vi asked.

"Because there are four people I know who can help me with my problem; one's out of country, one's too young, the other's got the problem so that leaves Carlos." Alex explained.

"You're being very cryptic, Alex."

"Carlos has HIV. So does my neighbour. I'd ask the other guy I know, but he's not available right now. I can't ask the girl, she's still only a child. So Carlos is the only one who can help."

Vi sighed. "You know he might not help you, right?"

"It's worth a shot." Alex said.

"Fine." Vi nodded. "I'll see if he's up to it. No guarantees."

"Javiera Maria Hidalgo López, I owe you one."

"I know you do, Alexander Hamilton." Vi said.

* * *

Kitty sat in her apartment, staring at the needle on the table in front of her. She knew she had to quit. She had HIV. It would interfere with her antiretroviral drugs. But on the other hand, _heroin_. She had to take heroin. She _needed_ heroin. Screw the antiretroviral meds. Only a little bit. A _little bit_ of heroin wouldn't kill her. And besides, her boss didn't even know she was on heroin.

She reached out for the needle with a trembling hand-withdrawal setting in. She had the heroin in her pocket. She needed to... to cook it. Before she injected it. Lighter. Where was her lighter? Shit-what was the time? Didn't she have to be at work? She had to inject. Wait-which job?

The knock on the door startled her. Shit. A knock on the door.

"Kitty?"

It was Ben.

"Go away Ben!" Kitty shouted agitatedly.

"I saw you earlier. You didn't _look_ okay. And you don't _sound_ okay."

"Go the _fuck_ away, Ben!"

"I saw Alexander Hamilton earlier. He'd been crying too. I didn't know you were so close to John."

"I'm not."

"Kitty, let me in."

"No."

"Kitty, let me in or I'm calling the Super."

"You can't do that." Kitty said. "I know my rights."

"I swear to god, Kitty-"

"Fine!" Kitty swiped the needle and hid it under a couch cushion. She ran a hand through her disheveled hair and went to open the door.

Upon seeing her, Ben raised an eyebrow. "Wow. Are you still sick?"

"Shut up. Tallmadge."

"You're sweating. You look _really_ fluey." Ben said.

Kitty wiped her nose on her sleeve. "I don't _feel_ fluey." She said. "I have to go to work."

Ben shook his head in disbelief. "You're shivering."

"It's nothing. They turned off my heat." Kitty said. "I just haven't eaten much today"

"I'll take you." Ben offered. "We can stop off at McDonalds or something. You can get a burger-"

"No!" Kitty roared on remembering her shift wasn't at Starbucks, but at Ortega's. "No. I'm fine." She said, a bit more calmly. "I'm fine."

"Okay." Ben nodded, not entirely convinced she was fine. "Well, you have neighbours who are around if you need them."

"Whatever you say, 21 Jump Street." Kitty said.

"... Okay." Ben said. "Well. Bye."

Kitty slammed the door and turned to her stash. She checked the time. Half an hour before she had to be at work. In that time, she had to get her costume ready, be showered, have her hair combed and look sexy, like exotic dancers do, all before making it down to the strip club. There was no way she could cook the heroin in time. But she had to take it. It had to enter her body somehow. So something had to be sacrificed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one isn't so happy. Sorry.  
> Ned using St Kitts Creole. Damn I did so much research for that one sentence. It took up my entire evening. In standard English, Ned would be saying 'Alex. What's going on? How come you're doing this? I'm very busy.' Or in casual English; 'Alex. What's up? Why're you doing this? I'm super busy." Alex tells him to 'drop the informalities' because St Kitts Creole is used in informal settings-among family and friends for example.  
> Javiera-or Vi (pronounced Vee)-is an OC. As is her brother Carlos. See, they're in a university. Which tends to have lots of students. If it's just the, what, twenty-odd historical people, it kind of loses credibility as an academic institution. So minor OCs help flesh it out. The Hidalgo López twins are Spanish, as in from Spain. Vi is studying poli-sci and Carlos is studying chemistry.  
> Our our first look inside Kitty's life and she is struggling with addiction. She knows the drugs are bad for her. And she's going through withdrawal. All of what I described for Kitty are indeed heroin withdrawal symptoms. My town is full of addicts. I once had to shoo away people smoking heroin from in front of my house and I was seven. I have family members on the junk. It's an issue close to me and I hope to portray it correctly.  
> Did Kitty take the drugs?  
> What happens now?  
> See if you can catch the references to other musicals. There are three.   
> Go!


	10. Not Throwing Away My Shot

"Dios mío. Alexander. What the _hell_ happened to you?" 

"I got shot." Alex replied. 

"In the recent shooting?"

"No." Alex said. "Fifteen months ago. By Aaron Burr."

Alex was with another man in the student coffee shop. The one that wasn't Starbucks. The other man was his old acquaintance Carlos that he knew from that time he was studying medicine.

"You're in a wheelchair!" Carlos exclaimed. 

"Yes, I am." Alex said. 

"Oh I'm so sorry." Carlos said. "Your whole... your life. It must be so awful. But you're so brave." 

"Excuse me?" Alex asked. 

"Oh. You are so brave and in-spir-a-tion-al." Carlos said slowly. 

"Can't tell if you're being ironic." Alex said, folding his arms.

"You must be su-ffer-ing so much. I think it is brave of you to come and meet me here in this co-ffee shop." Carlos continued speaking slowly. "The on-ly dis-a-bil-i-ty in life is a bad att-i-tude." 

"And stairs, Carlos. I'm like an old school Dalek." Alex sighed. "I'm really sick of hearing that 'the only disability in life is a bad attitude.' By the way, stop insulting my intelligence like that. I was shot in the _side_ , not my _head_. I'm still just as intelligent as I was before the shooting-and don't talk to anyone like that, even if they are mentally impaired. You just come off as a jerk-oh my god, Vi was right!" His Caribbean accent came through thickly. 

"You're so ungrateful." 

"For what?" Alex asked. 

"I tried to make you feel better about your horrible, tragic situation-"

"I AM _NOT_ TRAGIC!" Alex bellowed, causing everyone in the coffee shop to look at him. 

"YOU'RE DEPRESSED AND WHEELCHAIR BOUND!" Carlos screamed back. 

"Hey! Shut up!" The barista yelled. "Or get out!" 

Alex seethed. "I am not wheelchair bound." He hissed. "And I'm upset because my boyfriend fucking died!"

"Good for you being all in a wheelchair and having a boyfriend. Was he like you too?" 

"Hispanic?" Alex asked. "Yeah. He was like us."

"Oh no, no. I'm not like you." 

Alex frowned. "Well no. I'm from the Caribbean. So was John's family and-"

"I meant crippled." Carlos said. 

Alex gritted his teeth and stared at Carlos calmly, yet like he wanted to murder him. "Well, I'm not the one with HIV." 

Alex's phone began to ring. Alex took it out of his pocket to see who it was and then answered it. 

"Not a good time, Lin." 

" _Oh, I was just wondering, I feel bad about what happened the other day, so do you wanna come to BroadwayCon on Friday? I can get you a ticket, you can meet_ -"

"Seriously, Lin, _not_ a good time." 

" _You sound stressed_." 

"No shit." Alex said. "I'm dealing with an ignorant, HIV riddled, Hispanic bigot." He spat out with vitriol aimed at Carlos. 

Carlos' nostrils flared angrily as he let out a low growl. 

" _Whoa. Hey, Javi isn't a bigot, he's_ -"

"I'm _not_ with Javi." Alex said. "I'm with this dick called Carlos." He lowered his phone slightly. "Hey, Carlos, say hi to Lin-Manuel Miranda!" He held his phone out. 

"You liar!" Carlos growled. "You're just a bitter cripple who hates needing so much help to do everything that you fucking feel the need to lie about knowing Mercy and In the Heights musical god Lin-Manuel Miranda!" 

"... _I also wrote lyrics for Bring it On, West Side Story and Moana_." Lin said. 

Silence. Alex looked smugly at Carlos. 

" _You know, Carlos, I gotta say, you don't sound very pleasant at all._ " Lin began. " _In fact, you're... I don't think I want you listening to In the Heights or Mercy. I mean, if you really think that disabled people are all, I believe you called us 'cripples who need help to do everything'. My advice to you? Change your attitude, man. It's 2018_."

"Who is this?" Carlos asked. 

" _Lin. As in Manuel Miranda_." A pause. " _Should I spell it out for you_?" 

"I don't believe you." 

" _Tough. Alex, I'll call you later_." 

"Bye, Lin." Alex said and hung up the phone. 

"Lin-Manuel Miranda isn't a cripple." Carlos said. 

"Jesus Christ, stop saying that word!" Alex snapped. "It's _not_ cool or edgy and you come off as a prick." 

"If you're just going to insult me, why did you ask me here?"

" _Me_ insult _you_? Uh, no. _You've_ been the one insulting _me_ non stop!"

"What did I do to insult you?"

Alex looked incredulously at Carlos. "Calling me cripple for starters. Insulting my intelligence by speaking slowly-my _spine_ is busted, my _ears_ are not and even if they were, doesn't give you the right to talk to me like that. Also, saying I'm 'inspirational' and 'brave' and that I'm suffering and need constant help-implying my life is worthless." 

"That's a _compliment_!" Carlos said.

"No. It fucking isn't." Alex said. " _None_ of that was complimentary."

"You're the one who made fun of my HIV." 

"I didn't make fun of it." Alex said. "All I said was I'm not the one with HIV. And I'm not. You're the one with HIV."

"Fuck you." Carlos said. "Not that you can fuck anyway." 

"I'll have you know my girlfriend's pregnant." Alex said. 

Carlos scoffed. "I bet it's not yours." 

"It's mine. You know why? Because my dick still works." Alex said. "I look at some sexy women and men-up it goes." Okay, it wasn't as simple as that., but it didn't matter. He was trying to make a point. "So fuck you for even so much as _thinking_ that Eliza would have sex with another man. And a double fuck you for _saying_ it. I'm the one who would fuck someone else-"

"I know. I read the Reynolds Pamphlet." Carlos said. 

"I hate you." Alex said in a low growl. 

"Why did you ask me here?" Carlos asked. 

"Because I thought you might be able to talk to my neighbour about having HIV. You know, like how having HIV doesn't get in the way of you being a complete and utter douchenozzle." Alex huffed. "How inspiring." He said sarcastically. 

Carlos simply glared at Alex. 

"Don't like it when the shoe's on the other foot, do you?" Alex asked. 

"Not the same." Carlos grunted. 

"I can't believe after all that that I'm even asking this, but will you do it?" 

"Well, given you probably don't know what you're saying, yes. I'll do it, you invalid, you." 

"I'm _not_ an invalid." Alex said firmly. 

"Yes. You are." Carlos touched Alex's wheelchair. 

Alex moved backwards and stared furiously at Carlos. "Don't touch my chair." 

Carlos stood up and patted Alex on the head as he got ready to leave.

In return, Alex wheeled himself backwards and deliberately over Carlos' foot. "Oops." He said sarcastically. 

"What the _fuck_?!" 

"Language!" The barista shouted. 

"I didn't do anything. I'm just an _invalid_ , right?" Alex narrowed his eyes and stared Carlos down. He turned around and made his way out of the coffee shop, sadly used to the stares he got as a young person using a wheelchair. 

* * *

Eliza was in the apartment, watching the TV when Alex came in. She turned her head. "Hey, Alex." She greeted. "Bad day?"

"Fucking ableists." Alex cussed. 

"Oh, Alex." Eliza sighed. She felt it for him. He had a lot of hate when he did Pirates of Penzance last year. He played the role well, but everyone hated him because he had a wheelchair. 

"I know." Alex sighed. "What's on TV?" He appreciated distractions as they stopped him from thinking about what happened to John. 

"CNN are repeating an interview with Lin-Manuel Miranda and Anderson Cooper." Eliza said. 

"What's Lin been saying?" Alex asked. 

Eliza picked up the remote and turned the TV up as Alex wheeled himself closer. 

_"-in a wheelchair. It's independence, for me. It's freedom. It means I get to do what I love doing; whether that's walking my dog, performing, writing or playing with my kid." Lin said casually, putting his hands in his lap._

_"But you'd do anything to be out of the-the wheelchair right?" Anderson Cooper asked._

_"Uh-no." Lin shook his head. "Not really. I can **walk** , but-"_

_"So why do you use a wheelchair?" Anderson asked. "Isn't that-what do they call it-transabled?"_

_"No, I'm **dis** abled." Lin said._

_"How, if you can walk? Why do you use a wheelchair?" Anderson shook his head. "I-I don't understand."_

_"Well, you remember in late 2016, I fell ill and went into a coma." Lin said._

_"I do remember. There was Lin-Watch." Anderson said._

_Lin looked blankly at Anderson. "Lin-Watch?"_

_"Yes, as celebrities kept dying in 2016 and you just fell into a coma for seemingly no reason, your fans got concerned. For the first week of your illness, hashtag Lin-Watch was one of the top trends on Twitter." Anderson explained. "It was absolutely a thing."_

_Lin shifted uncomfortably in his wheelchair. "Right. I... wasn't aware of that."_

_"Yo_ _u **were** in a coma, I doubt you would be." Anderson replied._

_"Yeah... so I spent two weeks in critical condition and fifteen days in the ICU-Intensive Care. I hardly remember a thing. But I remember that I woke up unable to move or feel my legs."_

_"That sounds like a nightmare." Anderson said._

_"It was more a nightmare to know I'd been in a coma for two weeks." Lin admitted. "_ _Anyway, after about three weeks-including the two I was in a coma for-doctors concluded I contracted Guillain-Barré Syndrome and then I started rehab to, well, improve functionality in my legs."_

_"And can you tell us, what is Guillain-Barré Syndrome?" Anderson asked._

_"It's an autoimmune disorder that attacks the nerves causing paralysis." Lin said. Almost as if he had rehearsed that response. "A common theory now is that FDR had Guillain-Barré rather than Polio."_

_"So back to you and your legs. Why do you use a wheelchair if your legs work?" Anderson pressed._

_"They **work**. They just _ _don't work **well**." Lin clarified. "I mean, I can't walk without assistance. Like not even a single step. Can't even stand. I-I just can't. So I use a cane. Crutches. Braces. A walker. They help **a lot.** But it's unbelievably exhausting and I can't keep it up for long. It's a lot easier to just use a wheelchair." He rested his arm on the back of his wheelchair. "So although I **can** walk, I also **can't**. If that makes sense." _

_Anderson frowned. "Uh. Not really."_

_"All you need to understand-all **anyone** needs to understand-is that I'm **not** a paraplegic. And I'm **not** faking my disability for attention." Lin said. "If I wanted attention, I'd just announce my return to Mercy or revive In the Heights. Or write another hit musical." He put his hands back in his lap. _

_Lin continued. " **Don't** call it a miracle when I stand up from my chair. It's the result of painful hard work that often leaves me wanting to cry at the end of a long day. I'm **not** overcoming my disability. I live it every day. And you know what? It's **clearly** not the sum total of who I am, but I can't walk unassisted and I take a butt load of pain meds and anti spasticity meds each day. I have constant physical therapy. So yeah, my disability defines me now and that's okay. If anyone says that I'm faking needing my chair for attention then you don't get to like my musicals any more. Unfollow me on Twitter. I don't care. You're hurting me and people like me." He said, speaking calmly, yet passionately._

_Anderson cleared his throat. "Well, uh-"_

_"I know. I know." Lin nodded. "It's not what you expected me to say. You expected me to say about how my life is tragic or that much sadder now or something, right?" He paused a beat, waiting for a response, but got none. "Well I am very annoyed with getting death threats on the internet just because I can get out of my chair or move my leg or something. I still spent two weeks close to death. I **lost** those two weeks. Those **important** two weeks. I missed the release of Moana, a movie I had worked on. I missed three months of Mary Poppins filming-I had to go to the UK later than I planned. Most importantly, I missed my **son's birthday**. That day isn't going to happen again." _

_"No. I guess not." Anderson conceded._

_"I spent my son's birthday unconscious, in the hospital and with a tube down my throat so I could breathe." Lin continued. "I don't_ care _if it makes you uncomfortable. Talking about disability and disabled people is important. Disability **isn't** a dirty word. It's something I **have**. It's something **millions** of other people have. It shouldn't **be** this stigmatised in 2018, but here I am on CNN trying to explain that just because you see someone's in a wheelchair, it doesn't mean they can't walk." He finished._

_"Okay." Anderson said, sounding almost thankful that Lin had stopped talking. "Well, we're just about out of time. Is there anything you would like to say or add or...?"_

_"Yeah." Lin nodded. "I'm Lin-Manuel Miranda. I wrote In the Heights. I wrote Mercy: An American Musical. I've been in TV shows, movies, written songs for projects and I'm pretty well known in the musical circles. But I use a wheelchair. And that's okay. It's great, even. I love my chair." He rubbed his hand on the handrim of his chair. "It's so... **feeing**. Because without it, I wouldn't be able to do what I do." He said with a shrug? _

_"Alright. Thank you, Lin-Manuel Miranda." The camera panned away from Lin and back solely onto Anderson. "Coming up, President Donald Trump in Davos-"_

"Ugh. Turn that crap off now." Alex said. "Last thing I want to see is that orange faced dictator."

"Gladly." Eliza turned the TV off. 

* * *

At the Washington's, Martha went into Lafayette's improvised bedroom to check in on them. Lafayette was sitting up in bed with their injured leg heavily bandaged and resting on a pillow. Their hand was twitching towards their crutches.

"How are you feeling today, Lafayette?" Martha asked. 

"Like crap." Lafayette answered honestly. "My leg hurts." 

"I haven't been shot, so I can't imagine how you're feeling." 

"I can hardly move it." Lafayette complained.

"That would be because of the muscle damage." Martha said. "Just let it recover and you'll be fine." 

"But it _hurts_." 

"It will do, Lafayette, you've been shot." Martha sighed and moved Lafayette's crutches so she could sit on their bed. "I've brought your painkillers. Just don't take too much. You know what happened to Tom Petty." 

"Thanks." Lafayette held their hand out and Martha dropped the pills in their hand. 

"Your afternoon doses of tramadol and codeine." 

"I hate this." Lafayette said. They put the pills in their mouth and took a sip from the cup of water on the bedside table. 

Martha patted Lafayette on the shoulder. "I love you. And if I could take your pain away, I absolutely would." 

"I know, Martha." Lafayette sighed. "I don't like this." 

"I know, Lafayette." Martha nodded. "I know." 

Lafayette looked at the wheelchair in the corner of the room. It looked a lot different to Alex's. Alex's looked nice and small, whereas that one looked... exactly what you'd imagine a wheelchair to look like, with the leg rest elevated to accommodate Lafayette's injured leg. 

"You're staring at the wheelchair again." Martha said. 

"I was just thinking..." Lafayette paused. "Maybe-maybe I should talk to Alex. He was shot too. I know I'm not paralysed like he is, but-"

Martha took a deep breath. "Lafayette. I'm sorry. So sorry I didn't tell you this earlier."

Lafayette's eyes widened. "Alex isn't _dead_ , is he?" 

"No." Martha shook her head. "No he isn't. John Laurens is." 

"I don't believe you." Lafayette said quickly. "I don't believe you." 

"I know you, John and Alex were particularly close, but-" 

"John can't be dead. He-he can't be." 

"He was killed in the same shooting that injured you." Martha said.

"You didn't tell me."

"George and I didn't want to tell you. At first you were recovering from surgery. Then you were high on morphine and we feared you wouldn't understand." 

Lafayette pulled themselves to the edge of the bed. "When is his funeral?" 

"Lafayette, honey... it's been." 

"No. No!" Lafayette cried out. 

Martha put her hands around Lafayette and rubbed their back as they cried. "I know. I know. I'm so sorry." 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Lafayette asked, their breath hitching through their sobs. 

"You were recovering. We didn't want to put that on you-"

"John's dead... Unreal-not happening."

Martha gently stroked Lafayette's hair, remembering that they liked that when they were sick when they were younger. "It's... real. Lafayette. I'm sorry. The funeral was in South Carolina. George and I were sure you wouldn't be up for it." She said gently. "We doubt you would be now."

"I would have... would've made it." Lafayette insisted. They buried their head in Martha's shoulder, desperately wishing this painful situation would just go away. They didn't want to have a bullet hole in their thigh. They didn't want John to be dead. Alex lived after being shot. Lafayette themself had lived. Why hadn't John?

Why was life so cruel?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You wouldn't believe the crap disabled people hear. From 'inspirational', 'brave' and 'heroic' (which most certainly are not compliments) to speaking slowly and enunciating every syllable. This is what Alex is dealing with here from Carlos.  
> Being disabled is not depressing or tragic or makes anyone's lives worthless.   
> Yes, some people assume when a disabled person has a significant other, that they're also blind, Deaf, autistic, an amputee, in a wheelchair etc. Sometimes, yes. But not always. What about people who got married and then acquired their disability?   
> Cripple is not a word you should be using unless you're physically disabled and want to reclaim it. I am using the word to show how it shouldn't be used.  
> Never touch a wheelchair user's chair without permission. Or touch them without permission. That is a sure way to get them to hate you.  
> I absolutely made this scene with Lin-Manuel Miranda and Anderson Cooper up. To refresh, Lin is also paralysed, but in a way that's lesser than Alex. He can walk, but he can't do it without hella assistance. And sometimes people think that because they see someone out of their wheelchair that they are faking. Like somehow a wheelchair user must always be dead from the neck or waist down. I paralysed Lin because I paralysed Alex and they share genetic material and a bizarre magical connection. But now I'm using him to show that not everyone in a wheelchair can't walk. And he wanted to go on AC360 to talk about his disability, so who was I to deny him?   
> Lafayette's recovery now. Poor li'l person.   
> Tom Petty, if you didn't know, accidentally overdosed on prescription painkillers.  
> Tramadol and codeine can absolutely be taken together and are often prescribed after an injury or surgery, both of which Lafayette has had.  
> And I'm sorry I had to make Laf sad, but you know... I wanted to.


	11. In So Deep

Aaron was in the old Hamilsquad group chat, just scrolling through. He hadn't been in there since Peggy left. And since Alex had asked him to go to Disney World in John's absence-okay, John was dead. But Aaron still wanted to remember this good old days. The days when John was alive. The days before Sally and Martha's worlds got turned upside down. The days when Peggy and Laf were together and happy. The days before all Aaron could think about was shooting Alex.  
The better days were back when Alex could walk. And run. And jump. And skateboard. Everything was different now. It was scary how much could change in a year and a half.

* * *

 _"Hey, Aaron Burr, Sir!" Alex said as Aaron poked his head around the door. "Come on in. It's your dorm too, you know."_  
_"I do know." Aaron said. "Um. I got us a dog!" He pushed the door fully open to show himself standing there with a small white puppy in his arms._  
_"Dogs aren't allowed in dorms, Aaron, you know this!" Alex said. He stood up and took a few cautious steps towards Aaron._  
_"His name is Philip." Aaron said. "The breeder was attached to the pups. Anyway, I thought you might like him."_  
_"Well, he is an adorable little dog, yes he is, yes he is." Alex said, slipping onto baby talk when he looked down at the dog._  
_"I know Philip isn't exactly a dog's name and you can change it if you want." Aaron said._  
_"Nah, Philip is fine." Alex said._  
_"And I know dogs are illegal here-"_  
_"It's only illegal if you tell." Alex said and Aaron shut the door. "You don't tell, it's not illegal." Alex shrugged._  
_"But the dorm security and inspectors-" Aaron protested. He put the little dog down._  
_"So?" Alex shrugged. "Aaron, he's a Maltese."_  
_Aaron shrugged. "I don't know what a fucking Maltese is-"_  
_"Language! There's a baby present!" Alex said._  
_"That's a dog, Hamilton. Not a baby."_  
_"He's a puppy. A baby dog."_  
_Aaron sighed loudly._  
_"All you need to know is that Maltese dogs hardly shed, don't need much exercise, they're small, they're generally smart, have a lifespan of around fifteen years and are apparently a good dog breed for first time owners."_  
_"You do have puppy training pads, don't you?" Alex asked._  
_"I forgot." Aaron admitted._  
_Alex sighed. "I guess I'll go to the store and get them then." He opened the front door ajar._  
_"And when you're in the store, get me a Coke." Aaron said._  
_Alex groaned and turned around. "Can I get you anything else, your majesty?" He asked sarcastically._  
_"Shut up and get me my Coke." Aaron said._  
_"You should like a junkie, you know-"_  
_"Hamilton!"_  
_"Jesus, Burr. I'm going, I'm going." Alex opened the door further and walked through it, half slamming the door behind him._  
_Aaron looked down at the little dog on the floor. Okay. He had to admit that even though he didn't know the dog's breed, the dog was actually pretty cute._

* * *

Aaron sighed. Philip did not deserve the way he went out.  
"Aaron, are you okay?" Theo asked.  
"I was just... thinking." Aaron replied.  
"Just thinking or just thinking?" Theo asked.  
"Thinking." Aaron said. He put his phone down on the coffee table.  
"Don't think too hard." Theo said. "Unless you're thinking of a way to pay the rent."

* * *

_**Hamilsquad** _

_**wait4it**_ : Hey.  
_**hunkules**_ : was not expecting to get a notification from this chat. What gives, Burr?  
_**wait4it**_ : I was just thinking.  
_**ActualAngel**_ : about what?  
_**wait4it**_ : That everything was easier back in these days;

 _ **trtlfckr666** : what's this I see about Alex on Twitter?_  
_**wait4it** : Alexander Hamilton, you've gone viral!_  
_**theoboostrump** : Lin-Manuel Miranda's been tweeting about you!_  
_**ahammyham** : Shut the fuck up!_  
_**ahammyham** : Anyone who mentions Lin-Manuel Miranda's stupid name again is uninvited to Hamilween!_

 _ **ActualAngel**_ : Holy crap, I remember that. That was during 'Hamilween' in 2016. I put a picture of Alex looking like Lin-Manuel Miranda on Twitter and Lin retweeted it making the whole thing go viral.

 _ **wait4it**_ : I wish those days were back.  
_**hunkules**_ : it WAS a lot different back then. But good has happened this past year too.  
_**wait4it**_ : All I see is bad. Peggy's disappeared because her and Laf's baby died, I shot and almost killed Alex, who's confined to a wheelchair now, Martha and Sally are secret sisters because Martha's dad had an affair-oh and John is dead. I can go on. Where's the good?  
_**hunkules**_ : Your daughter, Theodosia, was born healthy. I'm engaged to be married. Alex and Eliza are expecting. One of Laf and Peggy's babies died, but the other's alive and healthy, being raised by her mother. Yeah, Martha's dad had an affair, but she was an only child and now she has six siblings, including one who was her friend. She's not alone in this. Alex's friend Ned is with us. Laf got shot, but the bullet could have hit the femoral artery and they could have died. They didn't. Alex got shot and he did die a few times, but he was always brought back and now he's still with us. And Samuel Seabury and Charles Lee are trying not to be douchebags any more. They actually don't suck to be around now.  
_**ActualAngel**_ : Yeah. Hercules is right. There's a lot of good if you look for it.  
wait4it: I'd give anything to go back to 2016 though. Obama was still president, the Doomsday Clock wasn't at 2 minutes to midnight and people had more rights and healthcare.  
_**hunkules**_ : Got me there.  
_**ActualAngel**_ : <https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aGCdLKXNF3w>  
_**hunkules**_ : Nah. More like this:  
_**hunkules**_ : <https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qfZVu0alU0I>  
_**ActualAngel**_ : I take your Eve of Destruction and raise you this.  
_**ActualAngel**_ : <https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EfK-WX2pa8c>  
_**hunkules**_ : no way. If that was an end of the world song, it wouldn't be on movies whenever the characters go to London.  
_**ActualAngel**_ : what you forget is that Reagan used Born in the USA in his campaign.  
_**wait4it**_ : <https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DtVBCG6ThDk>  
_**ActualAngel**_ : okay. Aaron wins.  
_**hunkules**_ : It's not about Dotards, but it'll do.  
_**hunkules**_ : <https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CAlvBMwN_7U>  
_**ActualAngel**_ : What would a song about dotards even sound like anyway?  
_**hunkules**_ : Atom bombs exploding.  
_**wait4it**_ : I like how we pretend we'll even survive a nuclear war.  
_**hunkules**_ : eh. We might. Who knows. There might not be one.  
_**ActualAngel**_ : I prefer that last option-no nuclear war.  
_**hunkules**_ : hm. Starting to think Aaron's right about 2016. It was a lot better than now. At least we didn't have the threat of annihilation looming over us like a great black cloud. And John was alive. And Alex... we'd have to live through all that again though. So maybe it's just best to life for now.  
_**ActualAngel**_ : <https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XJdcROXeaWc>  
_**hunkules**_ : Donald Trump! Is only for now...  
_**ActualAngel**_ : Life may be scary but it's only temporary  
_**wait4it**_ : Alex being in a wheelchair isn't temporary. John's death isn't temporary.  
_**hunkules**_ : Alabanza <https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=chfdFA_KQrI>  
_**hunkules**_ : I'll Cover You Reprise <https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Fi9srqFqCFo>  
_**hunkules**_ : For Good <https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TZ0pXUb5jVU>  
_**hunkules**_ : Laf's song or Empty Chairs at Empty Tables <https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=eqqSa9n2ZQk>  
_**ActualAngel**_ : Alright stop now, Hercules, we get it.  
_**hunkules**_ : the next one would have been It's Quiet Right Now from Mercy.  
_**ActualAngel**_ : how do you know all these songs?  
_**hunkules**_ : Well, Mercy's big and everyone keeps going on about it. And the others, I just googled sad musical songs.  
_**wait4it**_ : why would Empty Chairs at Empty Tables be Laf's song?  
_**hunkules**_ : Les Mis is French. Laf is French.  
_**wait4it**_ : I suppose it fits too. In some disturbing sort of way. I mean, Alex nearly died. John did die. Peggy is gone.  
**ActualAngel** : Do you remember when Alex was shot? I do; 

 **elizaluvspuppies** _: I know it was an accident A-A-Ron. I'm not angry. You should come around._  
**ActualAngel** _: Oh, Aaron, I'm not angry either. I know you and Alex were close. You were roommates. I can't imagine what you must be feeling._  
_**marialewis** : Hang on, Aaron, I'll be at your dorm soon._  
_**wait4it** : Actuallu I'm in the hospital_  
_**trtlfckr666:** He is._  
_**ActualAngel:** What did you do to yourself?_  
_**theoboostrump** : He almost drank himself to death because he felt so bad for shooting Alex._  
_**marialewis** : oh baby Burr. Lay off the alcohol. I'm coming to the hospital._

 **hunkules** : Don't remind me, Angelica.

* * *

Hercules lay down his phone. He remembered clearly when Alex was shot. He desperately didn't want to. But he did.

* * *

 _It was no longer the immediate aftermath of Alex's shooting, so the family room wasn't filled with Alex's friends and family wanting to hear about his condition. Instead, it was usually just Hercules, John, Eliza and Hercules' parents; Hugh and Sarah. However, nobody else had arrived yet so Hercules and John were the only ones there._  
_"Who goes first?" John asked. "One of us has to be there with Alex."_  
_"You should be with him. You're his boyfriend." Hercules said. "But if you're gonna flip out again, like you did with Aaron, I'd rather you not be there. I'll go instead."_  
_"We could both go." John suggested._  
_"But you don't want to do that, do you?" Hercules asked. He sighed. "I know. It's hard. It's hard seeing Alex like that."_  
_"It's very hard." John nodded._  
_"I threw up when I first saw him." Hercules said._  
_"I know you did." John said. "And I couldn't help but look at just Alex's hand."_  
_"Do you want me to go first?" Hercules asked. "You need a break. Sleep here or something, man. You look like you haven't slept in months."_  
_"I feel it too." John sighed._  
_"I'll go then." Hercules stood up. He walked over to the door and quickly looked back over his shoulder at John before pressing forward._  
_As he had done before, Hercules disinfected himself. He no longer had to wear a plastic apron or surgical gloves, like he was some kind of freaky dentist. And he appreciated that._  
_With the help of a nurse, Hercules entered the ICU to see Alex. He took a quick glance over at Lin-Manuel Miranda, wondering why he didn't have his own room. But maybe it was because the ICU was authorised personnel and family only that it just didn't matter._  
_He carried on walking until he got to Alex's bed. And there he was. Lying there on his side, still supported by pillows. The nurses probably moved him to that position so he didn't get bedsores. That would really screw his chances of survival up._  
_"Hey, Alex." Hercules greeted. He sat down in the uncomfortable hospital chair next to Alex's bed. He couldn't see Alex all that well. There were too many machines. He stood up again and briefly examined the blood bag._  
_"It's just me right now. Hercules." He turned his attention to Alex's face. There was that feeling again-nausea._  
_Hercules brushed his fingers in Alex's short hair, careful to avoid any of the wires attached to the heart monitor. And the other machines that he had no idea what they did-but they were keeping Alex alive._  
_"You know, you're looking like hell." Hercules said. "Come back to us. John's worried. Eliza's worried. Even Jefferson's worried. All Aaron does is stare ahead. Either that or drink. Or cry about shooting you. You have to get off that," he pointed to the breathing tube, "and tell Aaron that it wasn't his fault."_  
_Hercules didn't get a reply._  
_"You know, they're saying you're going to be paralysed. That the bullet lodged in your spine." Hercules said. He watched Alex's chest rise and fall, in sync with the sound of the hissing ventilator, forcing air into his lungs every few seconds._  
_The sheer amount of medical tape on Alex's face was disgusting. Then again, it was all over the rest of him too, keeping all the various tubes in place. The breathing tube that had to be suctioned and caused Alex distress. It was taped to his face. The feeding tube taped in his nose-okay, Hercules had seen Alex on one of these before, back when he had anorexia. It didn't make it any easier seeing it this time. Then there was the drain in his abdomen, from the gunshot wound. Another in his chest from the chest drain-that was after his lung collapsed in an operation. The catheter._  
_Alex's hand and arms were bruised where the IVs were in his veins. The blood pressure cuff was still on his arm; that was probably important, right? Alex had been shot after all. The doctors were probably looking out for signs of an infection. They did have Alex heavily sedated after all. And how many times had his heart stopped?_  
_He looked really bloated, but that was probably because of all the medication that he was on-painkillers, antibiotics, sedatives and barbiturates. Then there was the saline and the blood-how many veins were they using? How many veins could they use? Evidently they were going for them all._  
_If it hadn't already dawned on Hercules how very, very sick Alex actually was, it sure had now._  
_"But you don't know that yet, do you?" Hercules continued. "It's okay. Nothing's changed. We all still love you very much."_  
_The beeping of the monitors, the alarms they made to alert nurses, the constant intermittent hissing of the ventilator-they didn't make Hercules anxious any more. He knew that most of the time, when an alarm went off, it was because Alex's antibiotic IV had run out and needed to be replaced, rather than Alex's heart had stopped. But it didn't mean he worried for Alex any less. He was still in mortal danger. He had to be, to still be hooked up to all them machines._  
_Hercules bent down and careful not to disturb any of the equipment, hugged Alex. "Hey. I brought Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. How 'bout I read it for you?"_  
_Still no response. Not that Hercules was expecting any._  
_"I always like it when Harry Potter is read." The nurse said. "Each patient's loved one does it differently. I hope you don't mind if I listen in."_  
_"Not at all, Kate." Hercules said. He sighed and sat down on the uncomfortable plastic chair and took the Harry Potter book out of his coat pocket. "Alright. Where were we?" He asked. "Ok yeah. Chapter five."_

* * *

Hercules picked his phone back up and called a number.  
" _Go for Ham_."  
"Alex."  
" _Hey, Herc. What's up? Hey-do you know what's up with the old Hamilsquad chat?_ "  
"Why?" Hercules asked.  
" _Because you've been posting in it_."  
"I... just wanted to know you were okay."  
" _You know I am, Herc_." Alex said. " _Well, I could have been flattened by a truck since we last talked. But I haven't. I'm fine_."  
"You..." Hercules inhaled sharply. "Do you remember anything about being in a coma?"  
" _Where has this come from_?" Alex asked. " _Yes. I remember... some things_."  
"What do you remember?" Hercules asked.  
" _Morphine induced hallucinations mostly_." Alex replied. " _I remember I thought that I'd been abducted by aliens and they were probing me. And you were there reading Harry Potter to the aliens. It was all weird. I have therapy for that now. Lin doesn't remember anything. As far as he remembers, he collapsed on November eighteenth and the next thing he knew it was December second._ "  
"That sounds better."  
" _Yeah, I'm almost jealous_." Alex said. " _Well, if that's all you want to know_ -"  
"Bye, Alex."  
" _Yeah, bye_."

* * *

Alex hung up and looked down at his phone.  
"You okay?"  
"I'm fine, Lin." Alex said. "Just Hercules wanting to know about my coma for some reason."  
"Oh. Well. Okay." Lin said, completely caught off guard. "Anyway, I, uh, managed to get some tickets to Rent." He handed Alex an envelope.  
Alex took the envelope from Lin very carefully. "Thanks."  
"How's your neighbour?"  
"Kitty Livingston." Alex said. "Yeah. She's not doing too great. Crying, mostly. And I'm sure I saw a needle in her trash so she might be on drugs."  
"Maybe she's diabetic." Lin offered. "Wait, Livingston? Like William Livingston? The Democratic Governor of New Jersey?"  
"He's her dad." Alex confirmed.  
"Oh my god." Lin exclaimed.  
"I know." Alex sighed.  
"And she is HIV positive and maybe does drugs." Lin blinked, not exactly knowing what to say.  
"She's definitely promiscuous." Alex said. "She works as a Starbucks barista."  
"And her father's the governor of New Jersey." Lin nodded. "Oh. God. That's-I feel bad for her."  
"I appreciate the Rent tickets." Alex said.  
"I know." Lin said. "I know. Ah." He shook his head. "Things can be fucking weird sometimes, right?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to take a break from the main story for a bit and do this. It doesn't serve the current story, but it works to fill in some holes in earlier stories.  
> I chose Philip the dog to be a Maltese because Maltese dogs are great dogs for first time owners, but they have wicked separation anxiety and bark, which is why Eacker shot him between the eyes and killed him.  
> Yes, those two passages in the chat, I looked trough my old stories for them. The first one Aaron 'posted' was from Hamilween. The second one Angelica 'posted' was from Stay Alive, That Would Be Enough. If you look through them and wonder why some of their usernames are different, the characters are changed their usernames later in the story. It would reflect if they were looking back in their chat, rather than if we were.  
> Empty Chairs at Empty Tables would be Laf's song. Of all his American revolutions friends, he was the last surviving one. You only have to look at the musical to see how true it is-Laurens first, then Washington, then Hamilton and then Mulligan. Leaving only Lafayette left. You wanna make the Hamilton musical sadder? After Eliza tells her story, you listen to Empty Chairs at Empty Tables and imagine Lafayette is singing that at Fraunces Tavern later in his life. Yeah.  
> Hercules' flashback is actually a deleted scene from Stay Alive, That Would Be Enough. I cut it because it didn't seem to flow with the rest of the story, but I kept it, hoping I would find some use for it. I hope you like it as much as I do.  
> Some coma patients have hallucinations that they've been kidnapped by aliens or by spies or something and others remember nothing.  
> The Alex/Lin bit is the only part of this chapter that feeds the plot.  
> Next chapter, we check in on Kitty! Will it be good? Will it be bad? Who knows. But well known former Alexander Hamilton, gardener, activist and nice guy Javier Muñoz will be there.


	12. My Eliza's Expecting

"Hey, Alex." 

"What do you want, Ben?" Alex asked as he waited for the elevator to take him back to his floor. 

"Look, uh, Kitty's been acting really weird lately." 

"And you think I'd know why that is?" Alex asked. 

"Well, I know you're kind of close-"

"We're neighbours, Ben." Alex said. "I'm with Eliza and Jo-she's pregnant. I'm going to have a baby. With Eliza. Not Kitty." 

"Holy crap, Eliza's pregnant?" 

"Almost six months now." Alex said. "I'm surprised you haven't noticed-she _is_ showing, you know."

The lift pinged and the doors opened. Alex followed Ben inside and pressed the close doors button. 

"I think Kitty could be pregnant too." Ben said. "I know she works as a prostitute, but-"

"Kitty's _not_ a prostitute." Alex said. "She's a barista at Starbucks. I've seen her there. Like recently." 

Ben hummed disapprovingly. "She's a prostitute, Alex." 

"Well, you'd know _that_ , 21 Jump Street." Alex said. "But she's not. She works at Starbucks." 

"Why does everyone call me that?" Ben asked. 

"What?"

"21 Jump Street." 

"If you haven't figured it out already, you'll never know." Alex said. The doors opened and Alex wheeled himself out. "G'bye, Ben." 

Alex hummed as he went to his apartment. He stopped in front of his door and took his key from the pouch under his seat-it was where he kept his important things like his wallet and his keys, but his phone stayed in his jeans pocket. He opened the door to find Eliza standing halfway in the room, with her hand over her belly. 

"Are you okay?" Alex asked in concern. "Is there something wrong with the baby?" If there was, he didn't know how he would take it. He had already lost John and was doing his very best not to think about that. But that baby was _his_. His flesh and blood growing inside the woman he loved. They were making a human together. A human he desperately wanted to be okay. 

"I'm fine." Eliza said. "It's just... Lin called. It seemed quite urgent." 

"I just saw him the other day." Alex said. 

"Yeah, well maybe something's happened between then and now, I don't know." Eliza shrugged. 

"The baby." Alex pressed. "Is it okay?" 

"Alex..." Eliza inhaled deeply. "I've had my latest scan." 

"I know." Alex said. "What did the obstetrician say?" 

"That we're having a son." Eliza said. 

"Is he... healthy?" Alex asked, not knowing what else to say. 

"He is." Eliza nodded. "He's healthy." 

"Maybe we should start thinking of names." Alex said. 

"Maybe." Eliza agreed.  "Maybe."

* * *

The next day, Alex, as planned, met up with Javier Muñoz out in the city. Alex hadn't been off campus in quite a while, so he'd largely forgotten how inaccessible New York City actually was. 

"Hey, you're late." 

"That would be the fault of the subway." Alex complained. "Too few accessible points." 

"I know the subway can be bad, even in the best of times." 

"Javier, how long have you been here?" Alex asked, noticing Javier seemed to be nursing an empty cup. 

"Long enough that I thought you'd been kidnapped or something." Javier answered. "Maybe you were with Lin. You're his long lost brother, right?" 

"Uh... I think that'd be the simplest way of putting it, yeah." Alex nodded. "Yeah."

"Well..." Javier pocketed his phone. "Let's get to it then. Why did you want to see me?" 

"I got a neighbour. And she's got HIV." 

"Right." 

"She's spending most of her time crying. I don't know if she's going to work or whatever, but I'm really concerned. I think she might have turned to drugs-"

"Well, some people don't take their diagnosis well." 

Alex raised an eyebrow. "And _you_ did, right?"

"Actually, I didn't." Javier responded. "But continue."

"Yeah. Another neighbour reckons she might be a _prostitute_ , but I think he's lying because I've seen her working in Starbucks making coffee." Alex said. "But really, I've seen her only once since her diagnosis. We used to have a thing. But I started dating J... Someone else. I know she got expelled from school. And her father's the Governor of New Jersey."

"Wow."

"I don't think she has any friends. At least, I haven't seen her with any." 

"So you're concerned about her." Javier summarised. "Fair. Alright. What can I do?"

"Can you like-talk to her or something?" Alex asked. "I asked Carlos, but he mocked my wheelchair. I would ask Gregor, but he's away backpacking. And Katie... Katie's six. So could you...?"

"Well, I actually _can't_." Javier said. "I can't drop everything and go to talk to a Starbucks barista about being HIV positive." 

"Oh. Okay." Alex said dejectedly. "It was worth a shot." 

"Alex, I'll give her a call. Tell her to stop using, that it's not the end of the world, but I can't do anything else."

"It's better than nothing, Javi. Thanks." Alex said.

"So, I really thought you'd be with Lin." 

"Why?"

Javier looked curiously at Alex. "You... _really_ don't know?" 

"Know what?" Alex asked. "Is Lin okay? Has something happened to him?" First Eliza, now Javier-why do people like leaving him in suspense.

"Vanessa's given birth." Javier said. "They've had another son." 

"Yeah, Eliza and I are expecting a son too-wait what?" Alex's eyes widened. "Why didn't he tell me?"

"I wouldn't know the answer to that." Javier said. "I'm not Lin. I'm just his friend." 

"Sonofabitch." Alex cursed.

"Well, it's only been two days. He's probably busy himself. You know, with his three year old son and his baby son. I don't know. My boyfriend and I, we don't have kids." 

"Kids." Alex sighed. "Lin has kids. I will never get used to saying that." 

"You're having a kid." Javier pointed out. 

"A son." Alex said. "We're having a boy." 

Javier nodded. "Are you going to watch the Super Bowl tonight?" 

"No." Alex said. "I don't care about American football." He said honestly. "I follow cricket." 

"Cricket?"

"You know-there's a bowler and a batsman and some wickets and the wicket keeper. The bowler throws to the batsman who uses a thick bat to try and hit the ball, while the other players on the pitch try to stop him-"

"And I'm going to stop you there." 

"Well, I'm from the West Indies. Cricket is huge there." Alex shrugged. 

"Yes it is." Javier agreed.

"Are you going to watch the Super Bowl?" Alex asked. 

"Yeah. Though I can't believe they gave the halftime performance slot to Justin Timberlake again this year, after what happened last time." 

Alex blinked. "Why? What happened last time?" 

"Janet Jackson's 'wardrobe malfunction'?" 

Every now and then, something popped up to remind Alex that he truly was a foreigner to America. "Who's Janet Jackson?" 

* * *

Alex got home a in the evening as Eliza was setting up for the Super Bowl. 

"Alex, where have you been?" Eliza asked. "I've had to set everything up myself, so I've been rushing around all day so I'm all sweaty and everything. I've been on my feet decorating most of the afternoon and my feet and legs are killing me-my ankles are swollen. And _you_ get to sit in a wheelchair all day-"

"Eliza, I can't walk. I _have_ to use a wheelchair-and you think it's fun? It's actually really not fun. My arms and shoulders ache at the end of the day." Alex said. 

"Yeah, well at least you're sitting down." 

"I didn't as you to do any of this." 

"It's the Super Bowl!" 

"So?" Alex shrugged. "It's not Christmas. You're pregnant. You should be resting-I think. Maybe that's more into like eight moths or something." 

"You should know this, Alex!" Eliza snapped.

"I don't! Of my brothers, I'm the youngest!" Alex snapped. "You're the _second oldest_ of _your_ siblings!"

"Who are all adopted!" 

"Except PJ, who was born when you were like six or something." 

"Yeah, I was six or something!" Eliza grabbed the nearest bowl of Doritos. "Fuck this shit." She said as she began to shovel the chips into her mouth. 

"Eliza, are you okay?" Alex asked calmly. 

"I'm hungry!" Eliza growled. 

"Yes, I see that." 

"I'm so hungry." Eliza said as she began sobbing, seemingly out of nowhere. "And I miss John. And Peggy. Especially Peggy. Why didn't you go get her?" 

"Because John died." Alex said. He flinched. He didn't want to think about John's death. In fact, he was unhealthily ignoring it because he had other things to focus on-schoolwork, Kitty, Eliza and the baby.

"I bet you haven't even seen Lafayette." Eliza said. 

Alex's heart skipped a beat. He'd been caught out. He hadn't been to see Lafayette. In fact, he hadn't seen Lafayette in a few weeks. Since the Marvel marathon at least, back in December. 

"Whatever." Eliza mumbled, reaching for the dip. "It's not like you care anyway." 

"I do care!" 

"You haven't even asked me about the-the-the fucking haemorrhoid cream in the bathroom!" Eliza shouted. 

"You've got haemorrhoids?" Alex asked. 

"I'm fucking pregnant, Alex, of course I've got haemorrhoids!" 

"Well la-di-fucking-da, I get haemorrhoids too. You know, I do get to just sit around all day, right?" 

"You're not pregnant!" Eliza shouted. She suddenly stopped and put her hand over her belly. "The baby's kicking." She said. 

"Really?" Alex asked. He wheeled himself closer to Eliza. 

Eliza took his hand and placed it on her belly. "Right here. You feel it?" 

"No. I can't-" Yes, he did. "I can. Oh my god. I'm going to be a terrible father." 

"No, Alex, no you're not." Eliza said. 

"I am." Alex insisted. "I won't be able to run after him or teach him how to play cricket-"

"Alex. We _planned_ this baby. We _want_ him." Eliza said. "And you will be a good father. I know it. Like Lin-he's a good father." 

"Lin's had his son a few days ago." Alex said. 

"There you go." Eliza said. "It's going to be okay." She paused. "Wait. This is about something else, isn't it? Alex?"

"No." Alex shook his head. "No. Of course it isn't." Of course it was. He had largely grown up without a father. Well, he hadn't. But his father had taken off when he was ten years old so Go and live elsewhere in the Caribbean. And Alex had resigned himself to the fact that if James Hamilton Sr hadn't died after that or in Hurricane Sandy, then he had probably died in Hurricane Irma or Hurricane Maria. He did have father figures in Thomas Stevens and Hugh Mulligan and technically and most disturbingly, Lin-Manuel Miranda. But he was mostly worried about his gene pool having been corrupted by bad father genes. Wait. If he shared DNA with Lin-Manuel Miranda then who was his father? _Was_ is Lin? Was it Lin's _father_ , Luis? Was it still James Hamilton?

"Alex?" Eliza asked. 

"Still here." Alex said. "I'm still here." 

* * *

"Look, Alex," Eliza began. She and Alex were lying in bed together, "I know your dog Philip was killed, but I want to name the baby after my father."

"You want to name him Philip." Alex said. "No way." 

"Alex, he cares about you a lot. Way more than he probably should." Eliza said. "What with you being an undocumented immigrant from the Caribbean-"

"Hey! I'm documented!" Alex said. 

"You know what I'm saying, Alex." Eliza sighed. "What would you name him?" 

"John." Alex said. "Or Jack. Or anything except Philip or James or Thomas or Jefferson."

"Philip Schuyler is my father. He is the only father I've ever known. And I want to honour him." 

"If the baby were a girl, would you name her Catherine?" 

"I don't know. Yeah. Probably." 

"I don't want to name the baby Philip." Alex said. "I don't think it's right." 

"Fine. We'll name him after your father then." 

"I already said I didn't want to call him James." Alex said. " _Or_ Thomas." 

"Thomas?" 

"My foster father." 

"I thought that was Hugh?"

"I'm not calling my son Hugh either." 

"Okay. How about Nathan?" 

"Too close to Nathaniel. And Nathaniel would probably think I named my son after him."

"Stephen? David?"

"Everyone knows a Steve and a Dave and I will not let my kid be that Steve or Dave."

"Oliver?" 

"No way."

"Okay. How about Alexander Jr?" 

"I refuse to name my son after myself." Alex said. "Who am I? Donald Trump?"

Eliza sat up in bed. "What?" 

"Didn't he name his son Donald Trump Jr?" Alex asked. 

"Oh yeah. He did." Eliza said. "His sons are uh... Donald Jr, Eric, Barron and his daughters are Ivanka and Tiffany." 

"How do you know that?" Alex asked. 

"They're, sadly, all over the news." Eliza said. "Eric and his saying that the government shutdown is a good thing, Donald Jr thinking liberals are all communists, Donald Sr saying that he would have sex with Ivanka if she weren't his daughter-"

"Eew." 

"Tiffany is a model or something and people just can't seem to leave Barron alone. He's like twelve or something. Kids should be off limits." 

"I can't see where Eric's name came from, but Donald Jr was named after Donald himself, Ivanka was named after Ivana, Trump's then-wife, Tiffany came from the brand and Barron, well, Baron is a royal title." Alex said. "What it all means, is that Donald thinks very highly of himself." 

"We knew that anyway." Eliza said. 

"And we aren't naming our son Donald." 

"Hell no." Eliza said. "I'd sooner name him George W Bush Hamilton."

"Are you _sure_ you want him to have the last name Hamilton?" Alex asked. "Are you sure you don't want it to be Schuyler?" 

"Alex, someday, you and I will be married and _I'll_ have _your_ name." 

"Are you sure you don't want to stay Elizabeth Schuyler?" Alex asked. "Rather than being Elizabeth Hamilton?" 

"Maybe I'll be Elizabeth Schuyler-Hamilton." Eliza shrugged. "I don't know. Why are we discussing this? We aren't getting married." 

"We're having a son together." Alex said.

"Oh yeah. Maybe Philip Schuyler-Hamilton then." Eliza said. 

"That doesn't sound like someone who is half-Latino half-Chinese." Alex said. "Also, I'm not calling my son Philip."

"I'm half white and half Chinese anyway." Eliza muttered as she picked up a book from the bedside table. "Okay. How about Ben?" 

"Tallmadge." 

"Logan?" 

"Wolverine." 

"Sebastian?"

"That's Lin's son." 

"Well what about Lincoln?" 

"Abraham. Also the first three letters are _L-I-N_. I'm not nicknaming my son _Lin_."

"Oh yeah." Eliza nodded. "Liam?" 

Alex sighed. "Let's discuss this another time. I've got shit to do." 

"Yeah. So have I. I've got two lectures later today." Eliza said. "But we have to decide on a name before he comes."

"I'm sure we will." Alex said.

* * *

A bit later, after Eliza had gone to her first lecture, Alex left the apartment. As he did, he noticed Kitty's door slightly ajar. He pushed the door open slightly and peeked in. Kitty wasn’t there. 

“Hey Alex.” 

Alex jumped slightly. “Holy shit, Ben, don’t do that.” He complained. “I nearly jumped out of my wheelchair.”

“That would be surprising. You know, seeing how you can’t move your legs and all.” Ben said.

“Who said I can’t move my legs?” Alex asked, almost aggressively. 

“Well, you’re in a wheelchair.” Ben shrugged. “I just figured-“

“I can’t actually move my legs. But don’t _assume_ , Ben. I _can_ feel them. Kind of.” 

“So what are you doing here, creeping in on Kitty’s door?” Ben asked. 

“I just saw her door was open. Maybe I should see if she’s okay.” Alex shrugged. 

“She’s not here.” Ben said. 

“Yeah.”

“Well, I figured, since she hasn’t come to the door.”

“She... where is she?” Alex asked. 

“Best case scenario is that she’s been raped.” Ben said casually.

“Ben!” Alex shouted. “That’s not-not something you say!”

“Well, it’s best case scenario to being murdered, right? Rape or murder? At least with rape she’s still alive.” Ben said.

“Unless she’s been raped _and_ murdered-no, why are we still discussing this? I don’t want her to be raped _or_ murdered.” Alex said. “Ben, she’s got an STI.”

“Oh.” Ben nodded. “Chlamydia again, right?”

“I refuse to discuss this any further.” Alex pulled Kitty’s front door shut. “She’s probably just at work and didn’t close her door properly.”

“Yeah, as a prostitute.”

“Ben, why the fuck would she be working as a _prostitute_ at _eleven_ in the _morning_?” Alex asked in exasperation.

“You tell me what prostitutes do.” Ben said.

“Alas, I can’t tell you that because I’ve never hired a prostitute. I might have cheated on my then-boyfriend. And my girlfriend with her sister. But I’m just prone to cheating.” Alex said. “Not calling out prostitutes to fuck them.”

“You paid Maria for sex.”

“I-ah-um-I... yes. That is true.”

“Prostitution.”

“Not prostitution.” Alex said. “See, it was her ex-boyfriend-“

“He was her pimp then.”

“I’m not getting into it, Ben. I’ve never called out a prostitute, nor am I a prostitute and Kitty especially is not a prostitute.”

Ben shrugged and walked away.

Alex sighed and went in the opposite direction, to the elevator. 

The door opened and inside was Kitty. She gasped on seeing Alex. “Alex.”

“Kitty. What are you... doing?” Alex asked. He had noticed that Kitty was wearing next to nothing and she was taller than usual. Was that the next to nothing-nope. The trench coat? She was wearing high heels. Platform heels. 

“Nothing.” Kitty pushed past Alex, who followed her. 

“Kitty, what’s going on?” Alex demanded. “ _Are_ you a prostitute?”

“What?” Kitty asked sharply.

“Ben reckons you’re a prostitute.” Alex said.

“That little creep.” Kitty sneered. “I’ll kill him. No-I’ll Bobbitt him.”

“Bobbitt?” Alex asked. 

Kitty sighed and shook her head. “Forget it. You’re foreign. You wouldn’t get it.”

“You mean John and Lorena Bobbitt, right?” Alex asked. 

“I’m not a prostitute, Alex.” Kitty said.

“Oh. Well, okay then." Alex reached down into his pouch to take something out. "I mean, I never thought you were except briefly, but I mean, I have something for you, it's-"

“I’m an exotic dancer.” Kitty said. 

“Oh... kay.” Alex nodded slowly. “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about how late this one is. I've had the flu. It covers about three days last weekend, so that should be okay for last weekend. My team lost the Super Bowl. I genuinely could not care less. We won last year and I'm fine with that.  
> Eliza is entering her sixth month of pregnancy. That is the month of irritable pregnancy hormones, aching legs, swollen ankles, constant hunger, random crying, haemorrhoids (pregnancy isn't pretty) and back pain. It's all becoming real for the two of them. And they're having a boy! Obviously.  
> Here's some gratuiotus Alex and Javier.  
> Yes, Lin's wife has had a son last week or something. I don't know exactly when or what the kid's name is because I don't internet stalk the guy like I know some people do with celebrities. He's just a man who wrote a musical. No different from Sondheim or Schwartz or Larson or Menken or Lopez or Porter. Or the women, but they aren't really as celebrated as men and tend to be outnumbered. Wait, this point was getting ahead of me. What was it again? Oh yeah. Lin-Manuel Miranda's baby. Uh... He's had one.  
> Alex would probably like cricket what with it being a massive thing in the West Indies. I'm British and I don't know cricket, so I just Googled it.  
> I am surprised Justin Timberlake was allowed to do the halftime show after Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction, especially in the movement of #MeToo.  
> And there's Eliza's pregnancy symptoms.  
> Paraplegics are more prone to haemorrhoids too. Aren't Alex and Eliza's lives just so wonderful right now?  
> I wrote that scene, where Alex feels his son kicking for the first time, to mirror That Would Be Enough.  
> All the names Eliza lists are in the top 50 names, at least for the UK. I don't know about the US. Yes, Stephen, Nathan, David, Oliver, Alexander, Benjamin, Logan, Sebastian, Lincoln and Liam are all super popular names for boys here in the UK. Name your kid Lincoln and he's probably going to be Lincoln P with his classmates, Lincoln S, Sebastian T, Sebastian M, Sebastian B, Nathan S, Nathan W, Alexander R, Alexander L and Alexander D.  
> Eliza being half white and half Chinese is because Phillipa Soo is half white and half Chinese.  
> I do wonder what they'll end up calling the baby though...  
> Technically, at least by my country's laws anyway, what historical Hamilton did was pay for a prostitute. And James Reynolds pimped her out. Makes that affair a little more... either gross or bearable, depending on your view on prostitutes.  
> If you don't know, Lorena Bobbitt sliced off her husband, John Wayne Bobbitt's, penis off with a knife and threw it into a field. John had his penis reattached and became a porn star. Lorena got off by means of insanity.  
> And there's Kitty telling Alex about her job as a stripper. Strippers have it pretty rough right now and are fighting for their basic rights using the #NYCStripperStrike hashtag.


End file.
